"Thirty Minutes of Wonderful"

Living in Jackson

2007-07-07T11:24:00.001-05:00

Although not directly related to my teaching experience, I feel like this is relevant enough to post here. Thursday night, my husband picked me up from a church trip at about midnight and we drove home. When we got home, I was giving him a hard time about driving my car instead of his (because my stereo doesn't work). We parked next to his car. Friday morning when he woke up to go to work, his car window was open, doors unlocked, stereo and CD case gone. We filed a police report, but all that entails is filling up a form and them giving you a silly card with a case number on it.
I'm tired of this. We were going to sign a six month lease Friday in the hopes of moving out to the suburbs by January. Instead, I'm going to look at houses today. As much as I would like to argue against the migration to the suburbs, I'd also like to be able to sleep at night and know that my car will still be in one piece in the morning. When a friend came over during Christmas break, her car window was smashed in my parking lot. The people in the apartment across from us just moved out because his car had been vandalized 3 times. I know of at least 2 other cars that had been vandalized since we've been here. This must not be a priority for the police department since it is located ACROSS THE STREET from our parking lot. Every report we file doesn't seem to have any effect. I know the real world isn't like CSI, but couldn't they at least dust for fingerprints??
The most depressing part is that we live in one of the nicer areas of town. I know having a stereo stolen isn't the end of the world, but I don't want random people breaking into my car. The fact that they were in the car is more upsetting to me than the stereo. Anyway, I'll now be the hypocrytical teacher driving in from the suburbs to teach every day.

Why I'm still here

2007-06-26T15:40:00.000-05:00

Today was a good day because it reminded me why I'm still here. All the other mess is still falling to pieces around me and I cannot for the life of me get any technology to do what I want, but I got to teach. Today was the first day I've taught in a week. If there's one thing I've learned this summer, it's that I don't like watching other people teach. I want to be up there, doing things. It was fun and novel at first to watch other people, but what I really love is when I'm up there teaching.
The students made my day today. Asking interesting questions (after the bell rang!) and staying involved even though the projector wasn't working and I kept calling them the wrong names. Even when I have a bad teaching day, the students are the reason I want to stay. Don't get me wrong, there were some students that I dreaded to see coming last year, but in hindsight, it was because I didn't deal with their behaviors appropriately. Hopefully this year I can avoid a lot of that. The truth is, students really do want to make you proud. All they're looking for is approval and they'll do almost anything you ask, as long as you know how to ask. I love the excitement they get when they learn or understand something new. Inevitably over the past few weeks I've been asked, "Are you staying at your school?"...I don't know how I could leave. I may have 5-6 reasons to hate my job, but I have 143 reasons to love it.
I've always said that the frustrations in teaching come from the adults. Adults should know better, but usually don't. Adults should be responsible and usually aren't. And generally the adults want to make your life 1,000 times more difficult and much less enjoyable. The key is to avoid adult interaction. :)

Blogging while angry....maybe a bad idea

2007-06-25T21:30:00.000-05:00

Today has not been my day. The cumulative stresses of the month of June are starting to take their toll on me. I am exponentially more stressed than I intend to be during the school year. The last time I felt this overwhelmed, it was probably the first week in August. It seems that every time there is a small break from one obligation or another, suddenly there are three more things to be started. I'm tired, I'm grumpy, and I've been in the same city as my husband for a total of 60 hours in the past three and a half weeks. This is not the way I enjoy living my life. On top of it all, my laptop turned itself off today and refuses to turn back on. It's probably because it wasn't shiny, new, and white...it also wasn't free. Now I need money for a new computer...before school starts.

I have never been so ready for a month off in my life. Most of it will be spent lesson planning for next year (I have an entire box of AP stuff and two textbooks sitting in my room that haven't been touched yet) and another week of it will be spent back in Oxford, away from my husband, attending the stupid AP workshop that is also offered 3 blocks away from my house, but for stupid reasons I have to attend the one here. It's ridiculous, but I'm actually looking forward to the start of the school year, because I'll be home more and have more free time.

This is getting really bitter and I have a law paper to write. If anyone has any idea what we're doing, let me know. Thanks to everyone who helped me out today and I promise in about 4 days to be a new person.

Required blog #2

2007-06-25T21:27:00.000-05:00

The objectives where my students were most successful were the two related to the Great Plains (explain why people began settling the Great Plains and describe life for settlers on the Great Plains). I think the main reason that they were so successful on these objectives is because the lesson was very interactive. The students played the part of settlers while the railroad owner convinced them to move to the Great Plains. Because they “lived through it”, they seem to remember it better. Another reason the students seem to remember these objectives better is that we started the unit with a picture of a woman holding a baby in the middle of a wheat field. The students spent a lot of time examining and describing the picture. They both told me it was their favorite picture in the chapter. I think that because they were able to relate to the woman in the picture before we started reading the chapter, they were more involved in the lesson. As far as describing life for settlers, I had the students pretend to be settlers and write a letter home about their life. Both students seemed to really enjoy the assignment and wrote great letters. I think the fact that I was able to incorporate varied and interesting activities into the lesson helped the students to better master the objectives. (Also, the fact that this was the 7^th lesson I taught meant that the students were starting to get used to me and I was starting to get to know them better).

I differentiated learning well in the Great Plains lesson, because I used visual (looking at the picture), kinesthetic (acting out settling the Great Plains), and intrapersonal (reflection and writing a letter home). Also, by this point, we had noticed that one of our two students was a much weaker reader than the other. If you gave them both an assignment that involved reading, one would struggle and take much longer than the other. For this reason, I realized that I would need to rely heavily on other ways of getting information across. I wanted to make sure she fully understood the material and I did not want to embarrass her in such a small class where the differences were so apparent.

The objectives where my students were least successful was when I asked them to explain why congress passed the Pendleton Civil Service Act and to summarize economic acts passed in the late 1800s. I knew this was not going to be my best lesson ever, but I hoped that teaching it in summer school would give me an advantage when I actually have to teach it during the year. One reason it wasn’t successful is that I personally find Hayes, Garfield, and Arthur to be the most boring presidents in American History. This is MY least favorite time period in the book, so I really have to try to make it interesting and engaging for everyone involved. Also, the material itself is difficult because the students don’t have adequate background knowledge. Before you can understand the Pendleton Civil Service Act, you have to know what the civil service is and you have to understand the corruption that existed in the civil service before 1883. The economic acts aren’t any easier. The Interstate Commerce Act already involves two words that students don’t fully understand (“interstate” and “commerce”). Once students understand the meaning, you then have to help them understand that the importance of the act was to regulate the railroads (meaning you have to go back and explain why the railroads needed regulating). The whole chapter is like a foreign language, with issues and vocabulary that usually hasn’t been introduced until this point. Because of the sheer volume of information I needed to get across, I mostly lectured and gave notes during this lesson. I know that isn’t the best way to help students….I need to find a better way.

In the future, I would definitely take more time on the Hayes/Garfield/Arthur section. I need to take the time necessary to include more interactive activities to make sure that students get the more difficult concepts. I need to recognize my weakness as a teacher, which is that when concepts are extremely difficult, I resort to very neat notes and charts to get the difficult concept across. This is because that’s how I learn, and it helps some students. But there are others who need something else. Now that I see this weakness, hopefully I can be more innovative and recognize when I am shortchanging those students.

Blog #1-EDCI 602

2007-06-14T17:40:00.000-05:00

Planning social studies lessons tends to be different that other subjects. Granted, the only time I taught another subject was last summer, but I've noticed that whereas many other subjects tend to be skills based (how to work a certain problem, how to conjugate a verb, how to solve chemistry equations, how to recognize examples of alliteration, etc.), social studies tends to be very factual. There are some skills involved (how to read a map, graph, chart, etc), but the majority of information that students are responsible for is strictly memorization based (Who was president during WWII? Why did people settle in the Great Plains? What were conditions like for the industrial working class in the 1800s?). You can definitely expand these ideas and find creative ways of presenting them, but it's not something that lends itself well to guided practice or independent practice. Without continuous innovation, social studies can easily become a monotony of reading the book and answering questions, lecture, and essay responses. I'm sure all the other teachers would disagree with me and argue that their subjects are just as challenging, but this is my obviously biased opinion.

With that said, I started planning my lessons this week by focusing on the state curriculum. Thankfully, the curriculum for U.S. History is much less vague than the other social studies frameworks. Since history is generally taught chronologically (so that students can see cause and effect) and since textbooks generally follow this format, I found the corresponding chapters in the textbook and started at the beginning. My objectives for the first two lessons were similar to everyone else's: classroom management related and giving a pretest. For the rest of the first day, I focused on two skills that are surprisingly lacking in students: How to make and use a timeline and how to use a textbook. I'm a firm believer in teaching these skills from day one, so that the rest of the year you can use them without confusion. The second day focused on "The West" and various topics about settlement in the west (mining, cattle ranching, the Great Plains, and Native Americans).

My experience with student needs and development is that they are familiar with timelines, but they've rarely examined exactly how they are created. I've noticed that students can often answer questions about a timeline, but when you ask them to create one, inevitably 1981, 2000, and 2001 are equidistant on the timeline. This strikes me as such a fundamental gap in the understanding of the function of a timeline. The point is not only to put things in order (why not just make a list??), but also to show the relative positions in time of certain events. Teaching students to create their own timeline, step by step, generally gives them a better understanding than just reading timelines and answering questions. Also, asking them to include significant events from their personal lives on the timeline allows me a glimpse into their life outside of school. (Students inevitably list their mother's birthday, their birthday, and their babies' birthdays...they also tend to include their parents' marriages and divorces). Using the textbook is simply something every student should know how to do, but most students are never taught. I started my world geography class in January with a lesson on how to use the textbook and never again had to answer "What page is this on??" I also make it a point to explain to students that sometimes knowing how to find information is more important than memorizing information. Students don't realize how often adults have to look things up. As far as teaching within the chapters after the first day, I approached the course as if the students were seeing the material for the first time. Even though these students took the class during the regular school year, they obviously missed something, so no assumptions should be made about what they already know. I actually found that I had mistakenly made an assumption on the second day when my 17 year old student did not know which state was indicated on the map by CALIF. I did teach her, however, how to look at the U.S. map in the front of her book and find the same state to get the answer (the most important things I teach my students are rarely in my lesson plans).
My instructional decisions were driven by one core belief that I hold, which is that students who have difficulty in a class (for whatever reason) are the ones who most need varied instructional strategies. Obviously, something didn't work the first time around. Maybe the student is a kinesthetic learner and their teacher lectured the whole year. Maybe the student has reading difficulties and their teacher gave them chapters to read with review questions. Maybe the student has A.D.D. and simply can't focus long enough to learn the material. Maybe the student has just always hated history class (like I did in high school) and has never thought of history as fun or relevant. Regardless of the reason, these are the students that most need varied activities and strategies (i.e. the ever-present "differentiated instruction"). (I've had a long time to think about this since I was required to "remediate" students once a week in U.S. History by reading a list of facts to them from January through April).
My first lesson was basically a "preview" of the chapter, that involved a worksheet I created where students look at all of the pictures, drawings, graphs, etc. in the chapter and answer questions about them. This strategy (which was thankfully suggested to me by a veteran teacher at my school) engages visual learners as well as students who have difficulty reading. The chapter usually includes graphs or charts for the more analytical students and pictures to be described ("List 3 adjectives that describe the man in the picture") for the more creative students. By the time we actually start reading the text, the whole class can pretty much tell me what the main points of the chapter are (in "edu-speak"= I created background knowledge for the students who didn't have any).
My second lesson asked students to read a couple of paragraphs about the Comstock Lode in Nevada ("chunking text"--or, not making students read the whole page when all they need is two paragraphs) and then drawing a 4 panel comic strip to summarize the story. I love this activity because it engages those kids who are horrible at social studies but great at drawing, it allows me to easily see if students understood the material, and it forces students to use higher level thinking because they have to process the information and put it in another form.

An example of an inductive strategy that I used was my set in my third lesson. I basically presented the students with a historical situation and asked them to explain the problem to me and what would happen next (this doesn't exactly fit in any one of the inductive teaching strategies listed in our notes, but may be a modified version of unguided inquiry). I had three people at the front of the room with a long piece of butcher paper, which I explained was a railroad. I put nametags on each of the 3 according to their profession (one was a factory owner whose factory made pants, one was a factory owner whose factory made shirts, one was a farmer). I explained to one factory owner that her family wanted to eat corn for dinner, where would she get it? She told me she would buy it from the farmer. I asked her how she would get there and she said she would walk. We went through a few other scenarios like this. Then I brought up another volunteer and explained that he was the railroad owner. I explained that he was very unhappy and asked students what the problem was (no one using the railroad because no one lives on the other end, no money for the railroad owner). I asked what the railroad owner might do about it? (encourage people to move down there). We went through the whole scenario of the farmer moving and the crops being shipped on the railroad. Students had "discovered" the course of historical events before I ever gave them the notes.

This blog has become really long, so I'm going to wrap up by explaining my basic philosophy on planning. Working in a district where we constantly have professional development by cheerful elementary school teachers who want to teach us cutesy words for situations that don't need cutesy words (the kids sitting next to each other are "shoulder partners") instead of useful teaching strategies, I've become fairly embittered toward the "edu-babble" or "buzz words" that teachers are constantly required to document in our lesson plans. I do, however, believe that a lot of these strategies hidden in ridiculous terms are very useful. Whenever I plan a lesson I tend to think of certain students I taught this year who had difficulties learning material (because they may have been "dyslexic", "kinesthetic learners", or "at risk students"--whatever special category they fit in to) and I just think "How could I teach this so that someone like W.A. would get it?" "What could I do in this lesson to make it interesting to someone like J.E.?" "How can I teach this in a way that M.J. won't have to read too much?". I may be stubborn about using the terminology, but I think in the end, I do try to incorporate what I've learned into my teaching strategies.

K.C.

2007-05-26T20:34:00.000-05:00

At the beginning of the year I had a student, K.C. He was very bright, attentive, and charismatic. He talked a little too much and sometimes got in trouble for it, but he was polite and considerate and just very different from my other students. I found out later that he was from California and wondered if that somehow explained it. He wasn't performing to his potential and I spent quite a few afternoons on the phone with his mom. Around Christmas, he came and told me that he was dropping out to get his GED. I was SO disappointed.
Yesterday he came by to see me. It was the first time I'd seen him since he left. He told me that he was graduating next week with the seniors (with his GED) and going to the community college. He hoped in a couple of years he could transfer to a four year college. I asked him what he wanted to study and he said maybe psychology. I got his email address and promised to send him mine. Then he said, "I just wanted to thank you, Mrs. D." And I asked, "Thank me for what?" He said, "Just...thank you...for everything." We talked a bit more and then he hugged me and left (I've gotten over my paranoia about touching students, although I am very careful about how I hug my male students). Just that small interaction made me understand why veteran teachers stay in the profession. I don't even remember what I said to him that made him come back up to the school and find me six months later to thank me, but knowing that I said or did something that made a difference made me feel like this year wasn't a waste.

Kids are funny at the end of the year. Suddenly they're really going to miss you. I finally told my kids (10th graders) that I'm teaching 11th grade next year. The ones who gave me nightmares this year invariably said, "I hope I have you again next year! Request me in your class." I finally questioned one girl who has been rolling her eyes at me for the past 180 days,
"Why would you want to be in my class next year? I thought you hated this class."

"I don't hate you. I hate having to be quiet in your room."

It's when they say things like that, that I remember how young they are. I think the best part about next year is that I will no longer feel like I need their approval. I feel fairly confident that I know how to do this job now, so it doesn't matter if they like me. I tried to feel that way this year, but I was constantly wondering if I was doing things right and all you see are students all day...you want reassurance from someone. Having more confidence and having a reputation at the school with the adults as well as the students is going to make next year much easier. Not easy, but easier.

Last days of school

2007-05-26T20:23:00.001-05:00

The last days of school were surprisingly anticlimactic. Students kind of dwindled away throughout the week depending on if other teachers would let them take their exams early or if they had classes with no exams like P.E. Also, being on A-day/B-day blocks means that Wednesday was the last day I saw some kids and Thursday was the last day I saw others. It didn't feel like it had a lot of closure.

One thing that's strange to me is that kids don't get their yearbooks until the summer. I remember at the beginning of last year kids were passing around yearbooks and I couldn't figure out why. Apparently they do this so that pictures from second semester can be included in the book, but then students don't get to sign each other's yearbooks, especially seniors. I'm sure kids with yearbooks are annoying, but these last couple of weeks had a lot of random down time where they could have been doing that. It seems like one more thing we're doing to make these kids feel like they have no sense of camaraderie at the school and therefore no investment in it. I'm constantly surprised by how little my students know about each other. I guess they move so often, they don't really get to know each other.

Friday was make up exam day. We kept the students in the cafeteria and took turns watching them. The students left at 1:00. At about 1:30, the vice principal came on the intercom and announced that ALL STUDENTS should be out of the building and off the premises. About 5 minutes later he came back on and said, "Teachers, we wanted to inform you that we have planned an in-service professional development for this afternoon and it will start shortly." (My stomach sank.) "The in-service will take place at your individual residences, so at this time, teachers, you may begin moving to your own homes to start your in-service for this afternoon." I think that was when it hit me. The year was over. I'd survived. I had no more lessons to plan and no more students to teach. It was summer. I hadn't even considered the idea of summer. I'd been so busy just trying to make it through. And I thought for sure that I wouldn't. I think I celebrated a little bit too hard yesterday, but I sure did deserve it. I have to go back Tuesday and Wednesday and do paperwork and help with graduation, but mostly I'm free!

High School Fashion

2007-05-26T20:16:00.001-05:00

Unfortunately my camera ran out of batteries, so this is the best picture I have. I know this student has worn this shirt to school before, but I guess this was the first time I looked at it. I couldn't help myself. I had to ask.

"Mark, are those food stamps on your shirt?"

"Yeah, Mrs. D. You've never seen these before? They have one that has an EBT card and then food stamps and it says 'Back in the old days'"

All the other kids in the class were unimpressed, because apparently they had seen many of these before.

I can't decide how I feel about it, but it seemed like something that should be shared.

Patchwork

2007-05-02T20:22:00.000-05:00

I just reread my past few posts and realized my blog has become pretty depressing. It's not that my life is that depression 100% of the time, it's just that, like every journal I've ever kept, this has become my mode of venting/processing the bad stuff. When the good stuff happens, I just live it. I've never felt the need to document that part.

So here's some of the good stuff, and maybe you can piece together the big picture:

1. Tuesday I got to leave campus to eat lunch for the first time. It seems like a really silly thing to be happy about, but all day I had this professional air. I had an appointment. I had to go somewhere on my planning period. I was very important and had very important things to do. It's amazing how leaving the building can make you suddenly feel like an adult.

Which brings us to #2:
I went to a Rotary club luncheon. I'm starting an Interact club at the school. We'll be the first in the district. The Rotarians were cool. The club is all about community service (yea Peace Corps!), international understanding (yea Peace Corps!), and mentoring opportunities from the Rotarians (which my students desperately need). Will it work? I have no idea. Are the kids interested? I sure hope so. Will it be a headache? For sure. But suddenly I have a role in the school other than boring children for 100 consecutive minutes each day (Now I can bore them after school too! :)

#3 www.teachingtolerance.org
We had just finished the Cold War and I had time for one more unit. The pacing guide had become non-decipherable after Easter. I had to choose between the Vietnam War (briefly glossed over in the Cold War material) and the Civil Rights movement. I figured Civil Rights would be more fun. Despite the sheer determination of students to be obnoxious teenagers ("Why are we studying this now instead of back in February?"--don't try to explain the logistics of sequential historical events to a child that has been trained to believe Martin Luther King only exists in February), I think I may have won them over, thanks to Teaching Tolerance. The organization sends free videos and accompanying materials to anyone who requests them. They sent me about 5 different vhs/dvds and some awesome posters. This was the first time I've gotten to use them. Last week was state testing, so I planned a movie on Rosa Parks into the lesson. It was miraculous. The same class who would NOT be quiet or respectful while I was giving them the notes earlier was silent the minute Rosa Parks' cousin came on the screen. Students who haven't turned in a paper all year watched the video from beginning to end and made a 100 on the quiz afterwards. The worst discipline problem I had was reminding students who wanted to ask me questions to wait until the end. I gave some more notes and showed a video on the children's march in Birmingham today. It had the same effect. The way the videos are produced, they have interviews interspersed with actual historical footage and re-enactments (recorded with a historically accurate camera, so they look real--but subtly indicated by a sign on the side of the screen). They have outstanding music from the time period and great stories that the kids can connect with ("I was always nosy, so I crawled up under the house to see what Aunt Rosie [Rosa Parks] was talking about."/ "My mama told me, 'Don't go. I mean DON'T GO.' And I said, 'I hear you.' We were raised not to lie. So I didn't lie and tell her I wasn't going to the march, I said 'I hear you.'") Kids are getting teary eyed when people are being abused and cheering when "Bull" Connor finally gets removed from office.

Hopefully, the next couple of weeks will be more of the same.

Graffiti

2007-05-02T19:34:00.000-05:00

Somewhere between Sunday evening and Monday morning there was graffiti found on my school that said "Virginia Tech" and had tomorrow's date. When I heard it on the news Monday (I had taken the day off), I was surprised, but didn't feel overly concerned. For the past few days, all the kids at school have been talking about it, taking every opportunity to ask me what I think and if I'm coming to school tomorrow. I've assured them all that I'll be there and the school is taking every precaution. I reminded them that if they hear anything specific, they shouldn't hesitate to tell someone, because this is not a joke. They've all told me they heard it was done by kids from our rival school. I think they'd accuse our rival school of doing just about anything, but it sounded plausible. They've all informed me that they're not coming to school tomorrow. I actually had 2 students stop by today to get their assignments for tomorrow. I heard a couple of teachers talk about whether or not they were coming.
I'm trying to remain level-headed, but the closer I get to tomorrow morning, the more I start to worry. I've rationalized it a million different ways. Kids who were actually going to do something wouldn't warn you first...would they? I feel 90% sure that it was a stupid prank, but that 10% keeps nagging at me. What if something happens? We haven't had any kind of faculty meeting this week. The only information given was a written description of what happened and the "security measures" being taken that was distributed to the students. No one has mentioned what we might do if something did happen. There's evidence that someone who is not enrolled at my school was in my class Monday. Another non-student was found in first period today. I don't feel completely confident that the administration has this under control. We have an assembly at 9:45. One thing's for certain, my door will be locked all day tomorrow and my cell phone will in my pocket.

Friday the 13th

2007-04-18T23:29:00.000-05:00

I can't sleep right now for various non-school related reasons, and the strangest memories are popping into my head. Last Friday was Friday the 13th. I realized this quickly since the LCD projector I signed up for was MIA, my overhead screen would no longer pull down and stay like it had the day before, and the speakers were busted. As my second block kids were coming into the room, a kid sat down to start the Do Now and asked me the date. "It's the thirteenth. Friday the thirteenth," I responded. A female student immediately turned around and announced, "Don't have sex today. Ooops, sorry Mrs. D., but they shouldn't." I simply told her it was good advice and continued with my day, but as I look back, I'm starting to wonder if I should have her make public service announcements at the beginning of every class.

"Having unprotected sex will get you pregnant and probably keep you from graduating."

"Refusing to do your homework or to study will cause you to fail this class."

Maybe I should just have some cheesy posters of garfield made up that say the same things. Or a cute white kitten doing something adorable. There is an amazing lack of cheesy posters in my room.

Small Blessings

2007-04-10T20:48:00.000-05:00

I've been really grumpy the last few weeks. I'm just starting to get really worn down and my pacing guide and textbook both went loopy after WWII. I'm trying to piece things together from other sources and I'm just tired and ready for this marathon year to be over. A few small things have made it bearable, though...so let's focus on the positive (random side note: my kids took a survey today to see which job they would have had in the Middle Ages (why??) and I was an impractical dreamer--I see the silver lining in everything...man, if that were only true Mon-Fri!)

1. Irate parent. She's been at the school non-stop since the week before Spring Break. She's frustrated because her son is failing. She's frustrated because his IEP isn't being followed (which they never are)...She's mostly frustrated because she's starting to realize that he may not graduate with a regular diploma. I've managed to use my southern charms to keep her from turning her anger towards me. Randomly she and the head of the exceptional ed department walked into my classroom last Wednesday and sat down. Her son happens to be in my evil lunch class. They were getting ready to take a test that I knew they would all fail, since most of them had been suspended/in-ISS/in the hallway for more time than they had actually been in the room. I was making a desperate attempt to review before the test. They didn't recognize the two women who walked in. Suddenly, the room was silent. Students were answering questions and paying attention. Suddenly, the ratio of adults to students had dropped and the behavior problems had disappeared. All but one of the students passed the test, and she came for tutoring this afternoon. Everything was back to normal today, but I'm still happy we had that opportunity.

2. The same class went to the career lab today where the teacher is much older and more experienced. They treated her and each other like dirt. She was shocked. Suddenly I can see (or actually believe) that it's not just me. They actually treated me with more respect (although not by much)

3. I only have 6 1/2 more lessons to plan before I start reviewing for the semester exam (ok, I have a lot more lesson plans to WRITE than that, but they're already in my head).

4. The principal asked me to take some kids to the Rotary Club. I think it will be fun. I don't know the details, but I've been struggling to find an extra-curricular and he finally suggested something. At least I don't have to coach anything.

5. I'm a lot calmer at school now. It was a subtle shift, but I no longer feel like a nervous wreck all day long. Even my classes that act ridiculous don't wear me out quite as much.

They sound like small things, but in a world of impossible demands, every little bit helps.

Random Thoughts

2007-03-29T22:32:00.000-05:00

I can't even seem to find anything coherent to write about on here. I think of things I should post, but by the time I get to a computer, they're lost behind a million other things in my head, so this will be a collection of random ramblings.

I'm not getting my EEF stuff. I got some of it. I got some of the nicer items, but not the ones I was really dying for. I ordered 2 desk sorters. It seems silly, but they would make my life heavenly at this point. I love to organize things and right now there are papers everywhere on my desk. I ordered the nice 42 dollar desk sorter that the teacher across the hall has. It's not coming. The librarian was vague. She doesn't know what happened to it. On the other hand, she does know what happened to two other items. On one she put the wrong number and on the other she forgot to put a number. So will the problem be corrected? No, it's too late. Apparently, the entire thing could have been avoided had I never ordered an internet cord. No one said ANYTHING about not ordering technology...as a matter of fact, another teacher ordered a numeric keypad for his laptop and a flash drive. Apparently the internet cord messed everything up. It's unclear when exactly this was dealt with, but eventually it was changed and resubmitted (last week I think, when I asked where the heck everything was)....the librarian proudly arrived at my door the next day with a cable she had gotten from district office (because she has a friend down there) just for me. It's a firewire to ethernet cable. It would be really helpful if I owned a Mac. I didn't even know they made cables like that....

I will be teaching U.S. History next year....that could be good or bad. The kids will be juniors and will take the class more seriously because it's state tested...but the stress that comes with state tests is daunting. Also, the two teachers who teach it this year are leaving, and I'm sure they will give me all their resources, but once they leave I'm on my own. Who knows who else will teach it. It should be interesting.

I'm very ready to go home for Easter. I didn't go home over spring break and I miss my family. I would desperately love to be ahead enough that I don't have to do work next weekend, but out of stupidity I came home and sat on the couch for 3 hours after school today just for the novelty of it. Today was the first day in a week I'd gotten home before 8. I wasted it quite well. I just need to keep on truckin for a few more weeks and I'll be set. I just really wish I had more lesson plans done (next week is planned, but nothing after that)...I watched one of the veteran teachers make her copies for the rest of the school year the other day. I want to be at that place. It's like a mirage that never happens. You plan two whole weeks one Saturday to get ahead and 5 days later you only have a week's worth of lesson plans left. I feel like I'm chasing my tail all the time trying to beat the clock and stay ahead of the game and days just keep passing by.

I'm a slacker

2007-03-24T22:29:00.000-05:00

I have no lesson plan for Tuesday (or the days that will follow). Spring Break was fairly unproductive except for when I destroyed the car on the way home from Texas. That has led to a lot of used car shopping during time when I would normally lesson plan. My classes were ridiculous this week. My lunch class has zero respect for me. Maybe they never had respect for me and I just never noticed. They really got under my skin this week. I dealt with it poorly. I haven't graded most of the papers from this week and need to do lesson plans, but it will just have to happen tomorrow. I think I've reached a more healthy balance between work and school, but it means that I'm not quite as efficient at school. Whereas I used to spend hours lying awake worrying about what I hadn't done yet, I'm going to sleep tonight instead. Things will get done, the world won't come to an end, and the truth of the matter is...when I lesson plan on Friday afternoons, it usually drags on through all of Saturday and part of Sunday (although it morphs into something else like grading or MTC classwork). Since I've been forced to spend hours on end at car dealerships, I'll just squish what I can into Sunday and pray that the rest of it turns out all right. Part of it is laziness too. I'm really burnt out and sick of my kids' attitudes. 47% of my students failed my class last term. I'm ready for summer. I'm ready for a fresh start next year. I may have to take a mental health day this week (of course, it may be a going to the bank and car dealership day).

I did make a lot of parent calls this week though. Something that has helped tremendously, but taken up most of my after-school time. I guess that's why the lesson planning never got done. I keep telling myself to just make it to Easter, but I know there are going to be 6 more weeks after that. I'm sure they will go by quickly, and things are definitely better than they were in November, but Spring Break was WAY too short.

What you should know about MTC...

2007-03-03T21:32:00.000-06:00

I think the biggest thing to understand when coming to MTC is that there's a reason they are giving you so many incentives to join. They are asking you to do one of the hardest jobs in the world, in one of the most difficult places to do it, and to go to school part time during all of this. The first semester will be sleepless, nerve-racking, and incredibly frustrating. The second semester is mildly easier. To be brutally honest, there is a reason many of these school districts have trouble getting and retaining teachers. Nothing about this experience will be easy.
On the other hand, nothing is insurmountable. Many people before you have done it, and many people after you will, and most of us have survived as somewhat rational human beings. Once you get past the first few months, you learn to deal with the stress and how to better manage your time. The kids start to appreciate you (in very minute ways, on very sporadic occasions). You start to feel somewhat competent for at least 20 minutes a day. You have a few good moments. Of course you also have a lot of bad moments, but I've noticed that most of those moments come because we care too much in a situation where it seems like no one else does. And those are the best kinds of "bad moments" to have, at least you're fighting for something.
The biggest thing to remember is that these are teenagers who usually haven't gotten the attention or the love that they need and deserve at home. If you make that kid feel important for 5 seconds, you've had a successful day. The job is extremely rewarding, but in very small, intense moments.
You will eat, sleep, and breathe teaching for at least the first 4 months. Your roomates/spouse will know every child you teach by name, because you will feel the need to vent on a daily basis. You will go out to dinner with friends and swear that you will not discuss school, but every single topic will lead back to what happened in your room today. You will be SO sick of telling kids to tuck in their shirt, spit out their gum, walk in a line to lunch, etc... But somehow, everyday, you will get up and do your best and it will get better day after day. Every day you will think you can't do it, and every day you will...and then one day you will wake up and you won't feel like you're pretending to be a teacher anymore, you'll actually be one.

Baseball

2007-03-03T21:20:00.000-06:00

I went to a baseball game a couple of weeks ago. A few of my students are on the team. Two of them from the same class. I figured it might be fun and the kids would enjoy it. I found the field fairly easily and realized there were a total of about 12 spectators. Somehow I had expected grandstands full of fans. I ended up sitting with my student's (the pitcher's) parents in the one covered area as it drizzled cold rain throughout the game. It ended up being one of the most fun things I've done all year. My student could really pitch! and his family was absolutely hysterical. At least 3 aunts were there, his mother, some cousins, and a grandmother. I think there were more people in his family than all the other fans put together. They yelled and screamed and called other relatives every time he struck someone out. As I sat next to his mother, we talked. Apparently my class is his favorite subject (you would NEVER know). Also, his classroom behavior has improved tremendously, since I now know his entire family on a first-name basis. He's still not doing his homework, but I intend to keep going to games and keeping up my contacts.
I also got to see one of my freshman students on the team. He wasn't playing (I found out later it was because he had 5 F's), but the child stood in the dugout and heckled the other team for 3 hours straight. In my room, he's still learning that not every thought that comes into his head should come out of his mouth. During class, he more often has his hands on the ground than his feet and uses the desk as a jungle gym. During one day of groupwork, he sang from the time the bell rang until the end of class. He sang about climate and weather (what we were studying), he sang about his reading teacher's saggy sweaters, I told him to hush and he sang the song "Hush"....sometimes it's intentionally disruptive, but sometimes I really think he can't contain himself. That night, in the dugout, hanging from the rafters, he was in his element. He never got to touch the baseball, but for 3 hours he could yell and hang from the roof and feel like he was a part of something. I still see his feet in the air occasionally in my room, but I gained a lot of respect when I came out to the game. I can't wait for the next one.

Echoes

2007-01-24T20:01:00.000-06:00

I'm the most textbook visual learner you could ever have. I love graphic organizers, I'm anal-retentive about organization, I like for everything to be neat, and calm, and quiet. But somewhere along the way I must have picked up some sort of auditory memory. Maybe it's all those years of music lessons.

For the first time in a long time it was quiet in my room after school today. No tutorials, no detention. I closed the door and graded the tests I knew were inevitably failures. I could still hear rhythms in my head. Echoes of things kids said in my classroom today. Like ghosts in the room with me at 3:45 I could still hear the cadence of voices in my head. Stupid comments, occasionally obscene, vulgar, or just inappropriate floated through me head. It's something about the way they talk. Like there's a pattern already laid out, and they just substitute this name or that one. The same words day after day, arranged differently...not really saying much.

It was the first time I've had a moment to even think about them since Christmas. It's amazing how you can be in the same room with children for 8 hours a day and never really think about them. You think about the behavior, the consequences, the rewards, the lesson plan that's due, the copies you need to make, the time, the bell, and a million other trivial tidbits...but it's not until they leave that you really start to think about them. I think that's the hardest part of being a teacher. Having 10 million things to do for tomorrow, and 25 children that need you right now.

First semester, I lived in the moment. I knew everything that had happened, was happening, may happen...I knew exactly what they needed (as best any one person ever could), I adjusted, I discovered, I invented. Since Christmas, I've become much less present. I want to have 2 weeks of lesson plans, I want to have copies made ahead of time, I want to walk out the door of the school and not think about work until the next morning. It's made me a worse teacher (which became blatantly obvious as I watched them fail my test one after the other), but a more stable human being. Is it possible to do this job well and not let it consume every waking hour?

We laugh because E.W. and I went to see Freedom Writers. Apparently you actually can make a difference, but it requires working 3 jobs, alienating your husband to the point of divorce, and only teaching one class a day (why do they only have one class in these movies??). At what point do you start to live a life outside of education, without becoming the "worksheet teacher"? 10 weeks into first semester I was burnt out to point where I seriously considered driving off into the sunset many afternoons. I can't live like that. But even when they're not in the room, their echoes still haunt me and seem to ask, "Why weren't you paying attention? Why didn't you notice?"........It may be that I care too much to actually do this job long-term. I think in the end, it might consume me.

They've lost their minds

2007-01-21T19:48:00.000-06:00

It should be easier. I made it to Thanksgiving, I made it to Christmas. I'm on the home stretch. Magically the first semester went fairly well. The second semester is starting out badly.

First, on the administrative end, they've now decided we're having in-school SATP tutoring Mon-Thurs, which means am activity schedule from now until April, where you hold kids who are not on the tutoring list. Ok, I can deal with that. I'm teaching U.S. History tutorials once a week (a subject I've never taught, to kids I don't know). Ok, I can deal with that. Then, last thursday, just before the activity period, they got on the intercom and announced that during the activity period, we would all be doing informative writing with our classes. The students should fill up the sheet (what sheet?), the teachers should use the rubric (what rubric?), at the end of the 25 min we should collect what they have and give it back to them next Thursday since this will take more than one activity period (except for this Thursday is B-day and next Thursday will be an A-day...which means every teacher in the building knew this wasn't going to work except the administrator on the speaker).....I wander up and down the hall. I talk to English teachers, I talk to veteran teachers, I talk to my mentor....eventually we realize that the paper we were handed at the end of the day yesterday by a student worker and simply told to initial for is what we are supposed to have out and copied for the students to use. We run to the copiers upstairs...they're both broken. We run to the copier downstairs and just grab pages as they come out. On the way, I see the principal..."Oh yeah, you were on duty yesterday, so you weren't at the staff meeting."....1/4 of the school is on duty each week...the teacher next door who WASN'T on duty didn't even know what was going on. My kids had JUST finished writing a page essay for me....Now they must write a 5 paragraph essay. That will be counted as a grade in World History (with a rubric from 1-4...how do I enter THAT in the grade book....and why am I punishing my children in history for being poor writers)........I could go on and on about this cluster-f*&k, but the point is: it made no sense then and we haven't heard anything about it since. The same thing will happen this Thursday, only we will have a completely different class and someone will have to figure out what to do about that (they only change every single week---seems someone would figure that out).

Second Problem: My students have lost their minds. It may be the administrative insanity. It may be that report cards just came out. It may be that I'm putting out wierd vibes and they've decided to simply disobey and hate me. I sent 6 referrals in 2 days. Nine of the 15 kids in my A-3 class friday got something past a warning. I've gotten 1 kid back from alternative school in that class and now a completely new kid (who just got out of prison). They're not the worst of the bunch though...the old kids must be putting on a show. My A-4 continues to be ridiculous and I wrote a kid up in one of my angelic classes on Thursday. The whole class was stunned. I think it was the first referral I've sent in that class. I'm going on a serious telephone rampage this week and I'm not going to stop until every kid in that class knows how to act. I refuse to take children to lunch who DISAPPEAR on the way there and then walk off when I try to talk to them after class or who refuse to sit up in their seat and do work, and when I give them a second chance, tell me to shut up. I know it's not supposed to make me angry. But honestly, they're not showing me any respect and it's unacceptable. I'm also kind of angry and disappointed in them. They know better.

Winding Down

2006-12-17T11:06:00.000-06:00

The last couple of weeks have been the slowest weeks of my life. I hate reviewing...it's just a lot of repeating things you've already taught. Maybe I just don't know how to do it well. Exams are super-boring and involve a lot of sitting around or throwing in a movie during the random times we hold classes between exams. I did get to hang out and talk with some of my kids on Friday morning after their exam though. It was nice to find out more about their lives.

This coming week will be the worst. I'd much rather be stressed out and trying to cram a ton of material into these kids heads than waking up in the morning knowing the most productive thing I will do all day is grade exams. I'm sure it sounds silly to be complaining about a 21/2 day week where I don't have to teach, but I have to babysit and that's the worst. It all seems like it's being dragged out. I'm pretty sure that when I was in high school we went home early on exam days. Come to school, take your 2 exams, go home. Of course, they didn't have to feed us lunch....is that why we're stretching out these exams? To give them a free lunch? Or do we need more full school days for federal funding?

Semester Review

2006-12-07T18:46:00.000-06:00

When I think back over the semester, the one student who stands out is "Jimmy" (In the blue shirt, with the towel around his neck). The kid is huge...barely fits into his desk. At the beginning of the year, he was a discipline problem, talking constantly throughout my class. I think I called his house. The next day, without saying a word to me, he came in and sat in the one empty seat on the other side of the room and focused the entire period on what he should be doing. He now claims that the reason he moved that day was because he was cold, and the airconditioner doesn't blow as hard on the other side...but I'm still convinced either he or his wonderful aunt knew he needed to move away from the people he was talking to.

I've learned a lot about him since August. He's 18, he has a kid who's 4-5 years old and lives with HIM (not the mother), he's from Atlanta, he was on the football team, and he's probably the smartest kid I teach all day. He can barely write. His handwriting is sloppy, his grammar is poor, and his spelling is so bad, I wonder if he has a learning disability. Homework in my class is notetaking 4/5 nights a week. He has one of the highest grades in his class. He comes in for after school tutoring every now and then. He reads each paragraph out loud to me and then tells me what he's going to write in his notes. He's a very poor reader, but his comprehension of the text is off-the charts compared to my other kids. While I'm still trying to explain to the other kids the level 1 knowledge, he's asking me level 4 and 5 questions or explaining the abstract concepts of the text to his classmates.

He's failing his other classes, which is bad because he's trying to graduate and his wonderful aunt is pushing him toward college. Again I wonder about the learning disability because he has a lot of trouble in math. His aunt seemed ok with getting him tested when another teacher mentioned it in a conference, but I don't think it's happened yet. I would never bring it up as a first-year teacher, and also since he's so close to graduating.

For some unknown reason he loves history, he loves my class, and he's successful at it. I watch him come in every day, the gentle giant, 3 times my size. "Jimmy, tuck your shirt in." "Yes ma'am Mrs. D." Always respectful, always kind and helpful.

It's funny. I sat down to write this blog about my experiences this semester, but instead I've written 4 paragraphs about "Jimmy". I guess that's kind of the point. After the hell that other people call October and November, and the ridiculousness of the first few weeks of school, somehow all I want to do is tell you about the few that are wonderful. It was a shift that took place during Thanksgiving when I realized I missed "my kids". My family knows more about my students than their parents probably do. I have one who calls me "Mama D." now. I guess my skin has gotten thicker, the silly referrals have become just that...silly, and the few I know I can reach are becoming the highlight of my day.

Don't get me wrong. A-4 is hell on earth and if it weren't for 2 for 1 margaritas on Wednesday nights I wouldn't live through the week, but thank God it's B-day tomorrow and I get to see Jimmy.

Classroom Management Changes

2006-11-18T07:50:00.000-06:00

My summer classroom management plan included 4 rules:
1. Be prepared.
2. Raise your hand and wait to be recognized before you speak.
3. Stay in your seat.
4. Respect your teacher, your classmates, and yourself.

I really like these rules and I think I'll stick with them. I questioned the hand-raising for a while, but I think I'll keep it.

My consequences are:
1. Warning
2. Copying from glossary
3. Copying and call home
4. Detention and call home
5. Office Referral

I think I'll stick with my consequences too. I need to make my sign in my room a little clearer and I need to make sure kids understand that if they don't turn in the copying when they walk in my room, they're already on #3 and will keep moving down from there. I've quit assigning other letters from the glossary. I used to assign S (the longest) and P (the second longest) and occassionally others, but that just led to confusion and kids felt it wasn't fair, so now everyone copies "S". I hear my kids in the hall say, "I got letter 's' today"...everyone knows what that means and they'll say something like, "That sucks." Letter S has 32 words and definitions.

I think I'll change a couple of my rewards. Over the summer they were:
1. Verbal Praise
2. Positive Call home
3. Positive letter home
4. Student of the week
5. Student of the nine-weeks

Group Reward: Marble Jar

The rewards are wearing me out. I started giving $5 McDonalds gift certificates to my student of the week which is EXTREMELY effective because they all want them and EXTREMELY expensive, since I give 3 a week. Same problem with student of the 9 weeks. I gave them all a book about a girl in Peace Corps that I found on clearance for like $5 each last nine weeks. I'd like to give them something christmas related, but I have 6 classes and a tight budget. I like the idea of books if I can find The Best Christmas Pagent Ever or something for cheap. I'm still trying to figure out how to do this better for next year.

The Marble jar is annoying. If I'm not up at my overhead, I have to get up to put marbles in or take them out. It's a good motivator for the kids though. Also losing an entire day for rewards is bad. Maybe if I keep it, the reward will only be 30min-1 hr.

I think I'll do a ticket system next year. I'm missing small rewards and incentives and I think tickets would serve that purpose.

Classroom Management

2006-11-09T23:10:00.000-06:00

I chose my A-4 class to be my class where I would stick to the consequences every time. (Of course, I try to do this all day long, but in A-4 I never let up) Has it made the class any better behaved? No. Has it prevented the class from getting worse? Possibly. I screamed at them Tuesday. I had just finished giving out about 5 copying assignments in a row and people were still talking. I slammed my hand down on the desk and screamed. They laughed, but I think it was nervous giggling. I am AMAZED at how it is almost the end of the second nine weeks and the rules still seem foriegn to them. EVERY DAY they test me. And I think I've been as close to perfectly consistent as is humanly possible. And EVERY DAY it is the same thing. I've resigned myself to the fact that I just have to suffer through it. A lot of circumstances are out of my control. I got the class the fourth week of school. There are 3 new kids in the class (out of 17). The kids are constantly in and out of ISS/Suspension (although 3 of them got permanently expelled--maybe there is a God)...The one time I let them out of their desks we went to the library and I was HUMILIATED by their behavior in there in front of other teachers. Blatant disrespect, ignoring my rules, consequences, comments. I should have packed them up and gone back to the room, but I didn't have a plan B and I didn't want to have to move them through the halls again. After school on the way to my car one of the teachers that had seen me in the library called me over to her car. I was almost too embarrassed to even go over there. She made my day, though, when she told me that I should NEVER have been stuck with all those children in one class, even more so as a first year teacher. She teaches a lot of them throughout the day and has the same problems, just not all in one class. It made me feel better. But I still dread A-4.

My major classroom management problem in A-4 has been this: The only way I can control them is if they are in their desks working and I am standing over them, ready to hand out warnings and consequences. If I even get up and begin to lecture or instruct I will be interrupted repeatedly and I will miss certain minor things that will eventually lead to chaos. The Mississippi Studies textbook has no teacher manual, no worksheets, no supplemental materials of any kind....so I constantly make up worksheets. The problem is, any one worksheet will take them 5-15 minutes to complete, depending on complexity and I teach 100 minute blocks. 100 minutes divided by 15 is about 7...in one day... If I give them anything that might take longer than 5 minutes (yesterday's essay assignment for example), they simply will not do it, regardless of how many points it's worth. We spend 3:10-3:30 staring at each other every other day while we wait for the bell. At least after Christmas it will be geography which has resources.

My tenth grade classes are MUCH better. A-1 could hold class without me there. Honestly, I'm not as strict in that class and they can handle it. Occassionally K.C. will ask a question without raising his hand and immediately say, "Oh, excuse me Mrs. D." That is the class Reggie Barnes observed. That is the class I had my vice principal observe. B-2 is the most fun class I teach. I did get a little too lax on the rules in there and had to tighten up a bit, but somehow they are more mature. They ask probing, insightful questions and when I ask, "Who can raise their hand and tell me __________" 50% of the hands shoot up in the air. Occassionally I give a writing assignment, but it never goes beyond that.

I've had to really crack down in my other classes. I let up on the hand raising too much. B-1 has 4 new students which is throwing off the dynamics. It's also my largest class. B-4 is fourth block, so they're either asleep or talking or packing up their bags to go home 20 minutes before the bell. A-3 is lunch and they are constantly in trouble for something. There's a lot of attitude and disrespect in that room that I'm still trying to deal with. Almost daily, I give K.M. a warning and she says, "It wasn't me" I let it slide, because I wasn't going to argue with her and after she says it she quiets down, but now a couple of other kids in that class are starting to talk back to me after I give them warnings and that's disrespectful.

Overall, I need to be a little stricter, but it's mostly O.K. A-4 has destroyed my confidence, joy, and excitement though. I'm grumpy in all my classes now because of them.

The silver lining

2006-10-25T18:44:00.000-05:00

I like my job.

It's a really strange feeling. I can't really explain why I like it right now, although I could b*tch and moan about quite a few things...but for some reason I like it. I make many mistakes daily. I run out of things to do with 5-10 minutes left at least once a week in some class period. I run out of time in other class periods. I'm drowning in ridiculous paperwork and I'm probably only an outstanding teacher one day a week. But the rest of the days I'm adequate. Kids are in their seats, doing work and learning....It may not be interesting or "differentiated", but at least it's work oriented daily.

One of the biggest helps for me has been the random decision during TEAM this summer to do my 5-day on Chapter 7. I'm giving the Chapter 6 test on Friday/Monday and then it's fairly smooth sailing. Of course, my team lessons were designed for 40 minutes and I have 100, but most of the work is done. Chapter 8 will only be a take-home test in the interest of time and the fact that it's a short, fairly unimportant chapter. Chapter 9 was my 6 day lesson plan. Of course, I still have to plan for my other prep, but having one already finished is SOOOOOOOOO wonderful. I guess this is what it feels like to be a second year teacher...

Another ray of light is the arrival of EEF money. I won't see anything I order for many months (if at all, from what I hear), but the opportunity to spend $500 on organizational and creative supplies for my classroom is my favorite thing I've done all year. Maybe I'll get file folders and some pens. Colored pencils? Transparencies? Printer Ink. Whiteboard Markers. Index Cards. Colored Paper. Some kind of In-Out box so that I can find the surface of my desk again. Velcro. I've discovered I use a lot of velcro....

Somehow I've started to see the students as kids, too, which helps. As awful as it sounds, the first few weeks of school the glares they would give me made me sick. I looked at a room full of kids who hated me for 100 minutes 4 times a day. They still hate me some days...but I'm starting to see through it, to understand them more, and also to build up a thicker skin to that kind of stuff. The good parts are getting better and I'm learning how to deal with the bad parts.

I still hate being out of bed before 8 am. It would be hard to find a job that lets me sleep past 8. I think I'm just going to have to get over that.

Learning Styles Blog

2006-10-04T16:32:00.000-05:00

My class averages on my learning styles inventories were almost exactly the same for each category (with less than a .04 difference in one class). There were two exceptions to this rule. One was in my class that talks all the time. The students in this class were overall more "People Smart". That could be the reason they are constantly trying to talk. The second exception was in my one freshman class. The students in this class were more "Picture Smart" or visual learners. These two exceptions confirmed my earlier suspicions. The "People Smart" class is better at groupwork and constantly tries to help each other, even when it should be independent work. The "Picture Smart" class is horrible at reading or writing, but loves to look at pictures or do any kind of assignment involving colored pencils. It's amazing how they walk into my room out of control, but after 5 minutes with colored pencils in their hands, they're like angels (I think that has something to do with other issues too, but I won't go into that here).

The most notable result on my inventories was that the students with the lowest grades in my class are each in only one or two learning styles categories, whereas the students who do well in my class are equally distributed between the categories. The students who do poorly are not any one particular learning style as a group, but each individual has certain learning styles where they fit. This confirmed my earlier suspicions that the high achievers will do well in my class whether I lecture every day, or not. It's the ones who have low grades that will suffer if I don't vary my teaching techniques.

Since I gave the tests and calculated the results, I've tried a couple of different things. First, we did a very interactive groupwork activity where students had to act like newscasters and give the "breaking news" of England in the 1700s. As expected, my "people smart" class loved it, as did a couple of other classes, but 2 classes really struggled because of certain individuals who refused to work with their groups. I've also tried to hit more than one learning style in each lesson I teach. I always hit visual and auditory, but I'm trying to involve more kinesthetic and peer-interaction activities. Of course, these bring up classroom management issues in certain classes, so I'm still struggling with that. My lesson plans for next week include passing around some pictures for kids to see and touch and various activities where kids actually get to move and do things. I know that different activities will reach different kids, so my major focus right now is varying things enough that each student can learn. If I figure out how to do that, I'll be the next Harry Wong. :)

Homework

2006-09-24T20:09:00.000-05:00

This is in response to some concerns about homework...My kids have homework almost every night. 90% of them do it 90% of the time. I stole this method from my "mentor teacher" at school. Each night students have to take cornell notes on the next section or outline the next section (and define all the vocab words). The next day, after the do-now they have an open-note quiz on whatever the homework was. All quizzes are 5 questions and fairly simple. I throw the quiz on the overhead (with a printout for my kid that can't see the board), tell them how to head their paper, say it is open note, but not open book...all books need to be under the desk (and I wait until every single book is out of sight, even the closed ones, even if the student is not taking the quiz), then I uncover the quiz. If a student was absent the day before, they head their paper, write "I was absent", and turn it in with the rest of the quizzes. This method is great for you because:
1. 5 random questions to grade each day, instead of all the homework
2. gives you an extra 5-10 minutes at the beginning of the period (takes up that time while you're waiting on morning announcements)
3. Breaks up block-schedule a little bit more (do now + quiz= approx. 15-20 min)
4. Kids who don't do their homework are forced to sit and stare at you for 10 minutes and see a zero each day to remind them that they didn't do it.
5. Teaches them good note-taking skills/organization, because they have to find the answers in their binders in the time you give them...I don't accept late quizzes when I take them up.
6. No make-up work. If a kid is absent, they are still responsible for the material, but they'll just have one less quiz grade (or double the next one)

The only homework I take up are review sheets, which I grade for completion, and I check those because it usually directly correlates to the kid's grade on the test and I want documentation.

Honestly

2006-09-24T19:44:00.000-05:00

I think I've had an upset stomach since April. Some of it is personal stuff (marriage, moving back to America), some of it is academic (I stress about MTC stuff), and most of it is professional. I'm constantly on-edge. I find myself constantly wondering what would make it better. I really thought teaching would be a perfect fit for me...then why am I so unhappy all the time? Would it be better if I taught in a private school? My hometown? Overseas? Or should I just pack it up, chalk it up to life experience, and get a desk job where I work 9-5 and eat lunch with adults?

I'm lucky that people keep telling me what a great job I'm doing....it's nice to hear, but if I'm doing such a good job, why do I feel so bad all the time? I'm taking next Wednesday off. I've written my lesson plans so that I can. Officially, I have to take my husband to get his driver's license. Unofficially, I need a break before I snap.

I'm questioning my rules. I'm still enforcing them, but I'm wondering if they are really the rules I want. As I become more comfortable in the classroom (like maybe next year), can the hand raising go? Or will that lead to chaos? I gave my kids random group work on Friday that actually went really well. I let them choose their own groups, and it worked out better than when I assign groups (it was their own choice, so they had to work well together). I'm not sure that they learned the content as well as they would have from lecture, but they learned some public speaking skills, writing, picking out main points, and cooperation (They had to write a news story about "breaking events" in Europe in the 1700s--I stole the idea from my teacher's manual). I'm learning that when I let go of control slightly, they do a better job. Not that they can be out of control or not follow the rules, but I can give them a somewhat less-structured assignment and it works out ok. Maybe it's a disaster in the works...maybe it should wait until after Christmas...but there is a level of mutual respect there and as long as there are some boundaries, it doesn't have to be constantly scripted.

My new class was better on Friday. I gave a detention within 5 minutes of the bell and that seemed to scare them. Also, I gave my first student of the week and they seemed really interested in that. I also held them after the bell as an exercise in control. 1 student walked out and will be going to the principal tomorrow morning, but the rest were silent and seated.

I caught a kid cheating on my test Thursday. I wasn't sure until I graded his paper yesterday, but he definitely cheated. Somehow, all of my test "E"s except the original disappeared (it's possible I left them in the copier or something stupid)...I realized this fairly quickly, but it was no problem, because I had 4 other versions. The last class where I gave the test, I know exactly who had the one test "E" because I didn't want him cheating off his neighbor, so I gave him a totally different version. The kid sitting beside my desk had test "D" and then started to recopy his test (why do they do that?) and wrote "E" at the top. I noticed the mistake and told him to fix it. He fixed it, but when I got the test to grade, he had re-written "E". I gave him a zero for cheating. The sad thing is, he didn't even have all the correct answers for E. I have to be more careful about checking their looseleaf for cheat sheets and counting the tests after they turn them in....usually, I have about 15 other things to be doing though. Also, I think for my next test and 9-weeks test, I'll have 20 different versions and only give 4 to each class, so none of the earlier versions overlap with the later classes. Luckily my texbook comes with software that can do that automatically, it's just a lot of printing. (If anyone needs that, you can borrow the CD and install it)

Missing in Action

2006-09-19T18:59:00.000-05:00

I have a soft spot for the boys in my class that are always in trouble. I have a couple in each class that I know I've talked about before that are so smart and have learned to behave in my class, but are constantly in trouble in other classes. I found out today that one of them moved back to Tennessee. Apparently, he's going to be a father soon and has been acting crazy recently, and getting himself into big trouble. Another one (the one who got called out of my class 2 weeks ago and I haven't seen him since) is MIA according to the vice principal. I tried to call his house today to check up on him, but can't find his student information form (Maybe he never filled one up??). He was the one who wanted to have class discussions and debates.

I have a few others who have left, all of whom have their own problems and need guidance, but I worry about these two because I know they'll do something stupid and get into real trouble. I just hope and pray that MIA boy shows back up in my class. No one knows where he is.

Advice anyone?

2006-09-18T20:29:00.000-05:00

So...my new class is hell on earth. It could be for many reasons:
1. They haven't adjusted to me yet.
2. They had their routine changed in the middle of the year.
3. The extremely high percentage of "troublemakers" in the class (the vice principal knows 10 of the 18 kids by name from high frequency visits to his office)
4. It's the last period of the day and I'm tired
5. The Mississippi studies textbook would be more useful to start a fire than to teach MS studies

On Wednesday, I had a great lesson planned....then left all my stuff at home. Luckily, the period was only 30-40 minutes (60% day) so I pulled out a blank map and had them label the map to prep for the great lesson to come on Monday. Minor snag....I do a book check for a grade...less than half of the students had their textbooks with them...I give them zeros and berate them about being responsible....then realize that they can't do the assignment without a textbook. I decide to give them my second consequence (copying words from the glossary--I have many copies of these) and tell them they can work off their zero by completing the assignment. About half of the no book kids actually do the assignment. One of them apparently walked out of my room and said, "I'm going to get that b*tch" in such a tone that 2 teachers rushed into my room to make sure I was OK. I don't know which one it was.

I saw them again today. I thought they would bring their books in fear of a copying assignment. 3 kids had books. THREE! I allowed them to share books (which was a management disaster) because at some point work has to be done and I wanted to get them ready for the activity we're doing on Wednesday (No pressure, since Reggie Barnes is coming to observe my little hellions). I passed cotton around the class (that I stole from a field in Batesville) and kids were hitting each other with it, so I had to take it away. I gave a 15 minute lecture on behavior expectations and how if we can't act appropriately, we'll just do worksheets all day.

I have no resources to go with the textbook. The maps in the textbook don't have compasses, scales, etc. so when I want to teach kids that stuff, I have to draw it on. We are learning about dirt, and dirt is boring. We can't get through the part on dirt, though, because they are acting like idiots.

I don't think my management is consistent because there is SO much going on, it's out of control. I send 1-2 children to the office a day (out of 18!!) for stupid things that can't be stopped by "warning" or "detention" because these are not immediate consequences, so the behavior continues until we get to "referrall". They have no respect for me or my things (they got their marble jar dumped out because they put marbles in it while I was in the hall). I am constantly angry with them, which is not helping, but I don't know how to fix the problem. One problem is planning--we never work bell to bell, because I can't invent 100 minutes of activities to go with the crappy textbook, unless we do a chapter a day. I spend 8 hours a week making worksheets. Nothing I do or say seems to have any effect on their behavior. Help!

Poverty Blog

2006-09-14T23:01:00.000-05:00

I spent the day covertly reading a book on poverty in between meeting with parent who actually live in poverty. Somehow I felt ashamed at my naivite for having to read the book and my arrogance at doing it on parent-teacher conference day. I kept it in my lap....

I was struck by a lot of different things in the book, one of them being that as a highly organized, "thinking map" oriented person, I was providing my students with life skills. Just teaching them how to read the textbook, pick out the important information, and organize it in some way is valuable. Maybe I knew this on a deeper level, but it makes me feel a lot better about time I considered "wasted" in my classroom while we learned how to take notes and fill in organizers.

Another ego-booster was the thought that just by being in the classroom day after day with my knowledge of middle class "hidden rules" I was being a role model and teaching them survival skills for school and work. As Woody Allen said, "85% of life is just showing up".

One part that made me feel less capable was the chapter on the three voices. I think I use the parent voice a lot in my classroom. I'm having a hard time deliniating between the parent voice and control of the classroom. For me, right now, they are one and the same. I can see by my kids' reactions to me that I am antagonizing them and creating conflict sometimes in the way I deal with situations, but sometimes my blood pressure just gets so high I kind of snap. I'm having a hard time remembering that these students have only been in my room for 45 minutes, so all the things I've repeated for the first 3 hours, need to be repeated again with the same patience. My poor fourth block bears the brunt of my frustrations.

The book also made me realize that I'm not doing enough with vocabulary. I know my kids' reading level isn't where it should be, but I never thought that it would be affecting their ability to process certain information because they lack specific terminology. I've moaned and complained about the district-required word-wall, but I think I can do more with it. These kids deserve more from me.

Overall, the book shed light on a lot of things that I understood subconsciously, but haven't really addressed in my classess. I'm hoping that between the book and the learning styles inventories, I can start focusing on what my students really need.

Reasons Why

2006-09-14T22:21:00.000-05:00

Reasons why I hate teaching:
1. I never get to wear cute shoes.
2. I question my self-worth at least 6,000 times a day.
3. I've forgotten what it feels like to wake up after the sun.

Reasons why I love teaching:
1. Those magical moments (few and far between, but still worth it)
2. My mentor teacher
3. I'm the expert (at least for 100 minutes 3 times a day)

I had a revelation tonight over margaritas and mexican with my mentor teacher. My school has never had a PSAT prep program. My students are in the 10th grade. PSAT is 10th grade. PSAT opens the door to college scholarships and opportunities outside of Jackson. I may have a purpose here. I may have an extra-curricular program. As much as I suck at so many things, if there's one thing I know how to do, it's take standardized tests. I'm going to talk with my principal in the morning.

Also, I learned some things about how excited people are that I'm at the school. Apparently, very positive things are being said behind my back that I was not aware of. The administration is apparently excited. My department is apparently excited (and concerned that I've been so down lately). These things somehow make a world of difference and make next week seem exciting for the first time this year.

I may actually BE a teacher.

4,006,073 things to do....and I'm writing this blog.

2006-09-11T20:03:00.000-05:00

It's 8:00pm. As soon as I finish typing this I fully intend to crawl into bed and read a novel completely unrelated to teaching. It's Monday and already I feel my sanity slipping away. How can I be SO behind ALL the time, when all I do is work? Large parts of it I feel like I bring on myself. I'm not the model of blinding efficiency we hear so much about. I haven't put anything in a plastic sheet protector in months...and you know how much I love those things.

I look around my school and wonder why I'm the only one running around like this. Other teachers are stressed, but not about their classes. No one else has rules, consequences, or rewards posted on their walls. No one seems to have a system for kids who have been absent. No one has student of the week. Why am I knocking myself out trying to make these things work...spending all the extra time on them...when apparently other people can make the world go round without them. What is the secret magic that happens when they close their doors?

For some of them the "magic" is apathy and chaos....and I don't want that. But in some of these rooms learning is taking place without the late night runs to walmart to buy 12 pairs of scissors and the midnight baking of brownies for B-1's reward. Every time I figure out how to make one process efficient, something new pops up.

My lesson today was horrible. It will be horrible tomorrow as well, because I'm not going to spend the hour necessary to make it better tonight. Wednesdays isn't looking much better. We have parent teacher conferences this week and I have 130 progress reports that can't be filled up until I finish grading all the things that haven't been graded. I have piles of stuff on my desk that need to be filed. I have lesson plans and overheads from the beginning of the school year that are somewhere in the bottom of a file cabinet. Each week I feel like I have to choose one thing....grading, lesson planning, organization, or sanity. I tend spend about a week on each one...and during that week, nothing else gets done. I also have Reggie Barnes coming next week to observe my brand new prep (today was my third day with them) out of some kind of wierd bad karma. We are learning about the different types of soil in Mississippi. If it's possible, I care less than the students.

So now I'm off to curl up in my warm bed...secure in the knowledge that tomorrow will be one day closer to my day off/parent teacher conference day and with the hope that the weekend will arrive sooner than the deadlines. I am smack dab in the middle of survival mode and I'm not sure I'll ever escape. We had a speaker today come and talk about lesson plans (during my planning period--which was so convenient) and all I could think the whole time she was there was, "How do I get your job?" Will there be a day when I actually feel competent at this?

Big Picture Problems

2006-09-07T21:38:00.000-05:00

So I feel like up until this point I've been focusing on tiny problems, the ones I could deal with. This week I feel like I've kind of taken a step back and can see the big picture now. I've noticed a few disturbing things...

The 10th grade Vice Principal (whom I respect) had a run-in with a child outside my classroom. C.D. and I had a run in the first day of school, but have been alright since. He knows he can't get away with anything in my class and I called his grandma the first week and complimented him on his changed behavior (after the first day incident). He respects me....he doesn't like me, but he respects me. Well, the poor child got placed in my new Mississippi Studies class. Now he has me A-4 AND B-1. The first day of Mississippi studies he was apparently VERY unhappy about this. I took him outside and talked to him and he calmed down and sat at least. Towards the middle of the period I sent him on a B.S. errand and after he came back he politely raised his hand and said, "If I do this, you're still going to talk to them after school right? This doesn't mean I'm staying." (I had promised him that I would see if he could get his schedule changed--I knew he couldn't, but what's the harm in asking?) I assured him I would and he started his assignment. Yesterday I was talking with the Vice Principal at lunch and mentioned the note I had sent to his office (with C.D.). He was shocked and appalled that I had sent him on an errand. Outside my classroom the day before was the "first time he had encountered the young man" and basically thought he was a horrible person. I kinda explained to him that he just needs a little extra attention....if he believes that I'm trying to help him, he's actually a great kid. The V.P. kinda looked at me funny but laughed.

So today, the bell rings and C.D. walks in my door, slams his books down on a desk he KNOWS is not his assigned seat and gets ready to throw a temper tantrum. I tell him to move desks. He starts to freak out. I ask him to come into the hall with me. They have just come over the intercom and announced "CODE RED" which means lock your doors and they assign anyone caught in the hall detention. In the meantime, I'm trying to calm down a kid who's really angry and wound up and fidgety and looking a little crazy. I don't know what I'm going to do with him, but he needs to either calm down or not come into my room. I decide to write him up because he's not calming down and he keeps saying he's going to go talk to the principal anyway, so I'm thinking "yeah, you can go talk to the principal, when I write you this referral". Well, I'm out there talking with him and the security guard yells to the VP that there are two kids outside my door (the other kid really was late to my class). And tells the kids to go down the hall to the VP (I'm STANDING RIGHT THERE!). I see the VP and kind of motion to him to come over (to help with the kid who has LOST his mind) and he starts lighting into C.D. I try to explain that he wasn't late, but I need help with something else, but he's halfway down the hall and won't come any closer for some reason (I guess someone might get away during the CODE RED). He completely ignores every word coming out of my mouth and takes the kid down there. The kid comes back later and asks for a note to explain that we were talking so he won't get detention. I write the note, the kid comes back and behaves for 60 minutes, I talk to him after class and tell him if he comes in angry like that again, I won't even let him in the room. He needs to leave his problems outside.

I learned a few things:
1. During a CODE RED, only the CODE RED matters...I was within 15 feet of a security guard and the VP with a kid VISIBLY freaking out, and got no help.

2. To the VP, there are "bad kids" and "good kids". A bad kid is ALWAYS doing something bad.

I've also realized over the past few weeks that those kids are the ones closest to my heart. I have one in each class period. They are some of the smartest kids in the school and probably have the toughest problems outside of my classroom, but in my classroom (after a few false starts) they know how things work...I've had 3 of them tell me how much they like my class and one actually acknowledged that he understood my rules and not to give up because kids will take advantage of me. Of course, that was yesterday afternoon and the police pulled him out of my class this morning. That almost made me cry. I probably won't see him for weeks now. I wonder what he did? All three of them spend about every other week suspended, but when they are in my room, they're angels. One of them actually came to tell me last week that he was suspended, that's why he wasn't in my class earlier. Is it strange that these are the students who make my day?

1st block today I noticed how when I have a better lesson plan (lots of connections to modern day events, pictures, music, different activities), the kids are better behaved.

3rd block today I learned that when the kids are horrible from the door, my lesson plan SUCKS, no matter how many pictures or CDs I have. A girl in 3rd block asked me when their marble jar would be filled up (A-1 and B-1 filled up theirs yesterday and today). I REALLY, REALLY had to keep from saying, "When hell freezes over." That class is still my bad class, even with the girl who called me a b*tch suspended...

Continuation

2006-09-04T14:13:00.000-05:00

So briefly, what happened was that the counselor came in, yelled at my students and sent them away one-by-one. The students professed their love for me and wanted to be in another one of my classes. I was asked to come up with a list of honor students in 30 seconds (I've only seen these kids 9 times and one time most of them weren't there because of the pep rally). I took back their textbooks in a wierd chaotic decision by the counselor. He told me I could leave....I couldn't tell if he was trying to get rid of me or what....

I waited for my new class to arrive......and I waited.....and I waited. When they came on to give the afternoon announcements I gave up and went down to his office. Apparently the 9th grade counselor had gone home sick at lunchtime, so kids weren't placed in my class until we got back on Fri (which was B-day, so I'm still not sure who they are). Good news is: somehow feel less pressure and more fun about this class since it was thrown on me at the last minute (less expectations) and I've had a little bit of practice. Bad News: my babies have been thrown to the wolves and had their entire schedules changed, same for the new kids I'm getting, one prep becomes two, I don't know anything about Mississippi studies.

And the gods smiled down upon me....

2006-09-01T06:47:00.000-05:00

The gods had been kind to me. Then for some reason I felt the need to draw attention to myself in my last blog. "Hey, over here! Look at me! I'm happy!"

3rd block in the lunchroom yesterday:
(setting: My angels have just taken their first test today and are eating lunch. One more test to give for the day. Spaghetti and mashed potatoes for lunch)

Characters: Mr. M.-The counselor
Me

Mr. M. sits down next to me in the lunchroom.

Mr. M.: I'm coming to your fourth block today.

Me: Ok, I'm giving a test, so...

Mr. M.: Not anymore you aren't. I'm taking all those kids and putting them in other classes. You're going to teach Mississsippi Studies and World Geography that block.

Me: stunned O....K....

Mr. M.: Don't blame me for this. This comes from the higher ups. I just do what I'm told. Blah, blah, blah.

Me: Yes sir. I don't know what to say. I mean OK. Yes sir. So I shouldn't even give out my test fourth period? Just hold them until you come?

Mr. M.: Yeah. Just hold them. I'll be up there.

As he gets up I look at the teacher sitting at the next table. She gives me a look of pity. I tell my mentor and my department head. I try to eat my lunch.

The bell rings for fourth block. I run down to make copies of my student information sheets so that the little ninth graders will have something to do. I run back up to my classroom.

World History Students: Where do we turn in our review sheet? Is our test multiple choice? Look, Hey Ms. D., I've got that copying assignment for you (from Mr. ISS).

Everyone is in their seats. I close the door. I tell them what's going on.

Me: Mr. M. is on his way up here right now. They're going to break up this class. I don't know exactly what is going to happen, but if any of you are still in here when he finishes, then you have to take your test. So get out your notes, get out something to read, do something.

(To be continued)

A break in the clouds?

2006-08-30T19:10:00.000-05:00

I've been scared to post...scared I might jinx it....but this week, I think I'm happy. Nothing has changed (I know I was talking to some other people about this Monday), and yet I feel a million times better. I can recognize things now. I feel more capable dealing with the students. I feel slightly more capable as a teacher. I don't question myself as much. Kids act up, but it doesn't bother me as much anymore.

Most of my kids have failing grades in my class right now. This is entirely due to zeros (not turning in assignments). I took a few aside and talked to them today. First test tomorrow. I hope they don't all bomb it. I gave them a review sheet, but who knows if that will help. I am required (district policy) to count test grades as 70% of their grades.

They seem to think if they all fail the quizzes (open-note to check if they did the homework), then the quizzes won't count. They are sorely mistaken, and I don't know how to convince them of that before official midterm or even nineweeks grades. The few that do their work have close to 100s in my class. Part of it is also learning to take notes and pick out the important part of what they read. I figure, after they take a quiz a day on the notes, they'll start to understand what's important out of the textbook...I try to explain it every now and then, too, but it's just something they're going to have to learn.

I have a huge number of absences/medical leave/etc. I have one girl enrolled in my class who has a home teacher that comes and gets her assignments and then teaches her twice a week and administers her tests. I give her her grades, but I've never even met her. I got 3 new students today and still have about 7-8 on my roster that are "enrolled" (supposed to be coming) that I've never met.

Tomorrow should be a dream. My testing procedures are on my board. How to head/number your paper is on my board. The homework to start after you turn in your test is on the board. There are color coded signs for where to turn in the test and the answer sheet. All I have to do is get them started, watch for cheaters, answer questions, and grade papers (I hope). Is there something I'm missing about test days? Thursday might be a little rough since the test is only 36 questions and some will finish that in about 40 minutes and have to work on homework for 45 (but the assignment is pretty lengthy and shouldn't be a problem). But Friday is pep-rally day, so there will be a lot less time left over. I just hope fourth period on Friday has enough time to finish their tests. Especially the cheerleaders/band/dance team. If lunch doesn't run late then they should have at least 45 min and those kids are usually a little faster...I wonder if the football team leaves early for the pep-rallies? I didn't have football kids on A-day, but this week is B-day. Maybe I should check with the coach.

bl;kansdofinasopidnfoinag

2006-08-24T17:37:00.000-05:00

I've been trying to post on here for a few days now, but seem to lack the capabilities to put my experiences into words. I feel like all day long I'm trying to put complex concepts and situations into black and white terms (office referrals, parent calls, lectures to my kids) and lack of sleep and general stress about the fact that I can't focus on any one thing for more than 30 seconds is making it come out as mush.

Yesterday was ok. Then on the way home, my bag fell over in the car and some coffee remnants spilled all over my bag. Luckily it wasn't much. It did get the edge of my gradebook and some kid's essays though. I got a new gradebook (haven't written anything in it yet, anyway....still using xerox copies of my roll because new kids are added every day)....the kids papers aren't terribly noticable, but I feel horrible about it. Can I blame it on the dog or something?

Ok....so my husband came in and asked me some question about dinner while I was typing that and I just started to cry....because he asked me about dinner. I can't have 5 minutes of work without someone interrupting me. At school, I can't grade papers or lesson plan because the kids are there and I constantly have to watch them, reprimand them, answer stupid questions (Like "Do we have to write the question?" when I've told them NO and at the top of the page it says DO NOT WRITE THE QUESTION in capital letters). I can't focus on anything. It takes me longer to get everything done, because I can't focus....so then I get less sleep....and can't focus because I'm tired....

This week is 400 times better than the last two weeks...it gets better every day. Today I reached a few kids....the ones on the edge....the ones you can tell will probably be discipline problems, but are actually smart....3 of them saw me believe in them today, so for one day they believed in me and actually learned instead of cutting up. Of course, I was focused on one of them in one period and let some things slide on the other side of the room (note passing, etc.) because I was so excited to have this one kid INTERESTED and asking questions about Cortez, Pizarro, the slave trade in the 1500s.... All I can hope is that I won an ally today. He's huge (football player) and popular and if he's engaged, that could cut down a lot of the problems in that class.

My class has turned into a study hall. I'm trying desperately to give a test next Friday (first test), but I'm issuing books tomorrow (actually, I'm still debating that because I'm still 12 books short....what will I do when I get to my last class?), but up until this point, they've been doing their homework in class. Today became....Ok, let's finish up section 1 (sample of how to do 2 column notes) Ok, now Read the section, write 2 column notes....this takes about 45 minutes per section. My class became Do Now, Quiz, lecture on section 1/2 column notes, sit and pretend to work for 45 min-1 hr. It takes them 45 min because they've never done them before. After 15min 2/3 of the class has quit, but others are still working. Today people complained about the quiz (ALL DAY) because they "didn't have time to do the work and couldn't take the book home". They had 45 minutes on Tuesday. One girl who threw a fit about that today, then refused to do her 2 column notes. I got her to quit doing work for another class and made her get her book out, but then she just sat and stared at me for 45 minutes. She'll get a zero on Monday's quiz and the cycle will start again.

The point of this rant is that I have to figure out what I'm doing tomorrow....I'm going to go over sections 1-2, which will take about 30 min (and the do now/quiz will take about 15)...I want the kids to learn that they have to do the notes before I lecture, so should I then make them do two column notes AGAIN for 45 minutes? My class is becoming study hall. I don't want to skip the 2c notes because they will be required to do them as homework for every other chapter. Also, they need the practice. Tomorrow is also Pep Rally day and I'm not sure I have the energy to force 4th block to work on 2c notes.....

Working 9 to 5

2006-08-20T16:49:00.000-05:00

Towards the end of last week I started to do what I should have done the first week. Crack down, send kids to the office, hand out detentions. It's under control, but it's still not enjoyable. I can do it....but do I really want to? I'd never leave in the middle of the school year, but I find myself counting the days until Christmas (and it's only the second week!) and then the second semester.

It is strange how great it feels to have kids silently working in your room, even if you had to turn into the devil to make it happen. I'm still having trouble with kids names, which is the ultimate classroom management no-no, but I know enough now that I can kinda wing it. I'm just bad with names! One kid I sent to the office on Friday is really mad at me. He thinks I was unfair (and I kind of have to agree with him), but he was argueing with me in front of the class at the beginning of the period (because his desk doesn't have a basket underneath--I told him he could move for the day or I'd switch it after school)...I took him out in the hall to calm him down, because this was obviously not about the desk....I explained that he can't talk to me like that because it's disrespectful and if he has a problem like that he should talk to me privately. He calmed down some and we went back in. Suddenly Miss ISS (newly back) frantically raises her hand (without shouting though, thank god, I must have broken them of that habit). I call on her..."THERES A ROACH" (boo for bug spray....asked them to spray for ants.....now have live cochroaches trying to escape). Told Miss ISS she could move to the other side of the room. Smashed the cochroach (about the size of a paperclip) with the stapler...laughing/talking/chaos ensues as Miss ISS makes a production of moving to the other side of the room. I tell her to move quickly....spin around to call out the first kid I see who's talking/laughing and instantly see Mr. Desk-basket. Tell him to stop talking and get to work. Instantly he starts telling me it's unfair, etc., etc.....I can feel control slipping away. I ask him to come out in the hall immediately and write him up (not very eloquently I might add). He thinks it's unfair that I sent him after 2 incidents...I think talking back is disrespectful and warrants instant action. I'm not sure I conveyed this well to him or the administration (although I clarified with the admin later). He came back with about 15 min left in the period and was fine, but when I saw him at lunch he said something as I passed and glared at me....He was my sacrificial lamb...

Also, my Student of the Week in 4th period behaved so badly that I changed my mind at the last minute and gave it to someone else. Once they do announcements in fourth period everyone starts talking and packing up....it's worse on fridays when we do student of the week, they applaud and ALL start talking. I'm awful because I let it slide.

I'd like to spend my Sunday at the grocery store, but instead I'm sitting here writing lesson plans (crappy lesson plans). I'm starting to realize that not having a 9-5 job for the past 3 years and then jumping into this was a little psychotic.

"Amat Amat lang"

2006-08-15T18:49:00.000-05:00

That phrase means "just little by little" in Ilonggo. Today was A-day again. Around lunchtime I was actually happy! No major problems. I was doing Ok, but probably a little lax on discipline (we were doing an arts and crafts groupwork thing on the floor and there was a lot of chatter, but work was getting done and no one was out of control, so I let it slide...probably not right according to the powers that be, but I was enjoying evesdropping and getting to know my kids). Before we went to lunch I laid down the law about going to/from lunch. My class has been really loud in the hall and I'm embarrassed that we're disturbing other people's classes. I took my class roster with me to lunch and had no problems on the way down. Coming back up though, (surprise surprise) was loud and obnoxious. We made the obligatory bathroom stop and the other kids were too loud in the hall. Bathroom kids took too long. We started walking to the classroom and they were loud and yelling out my first name (I think I may have let that slip on an overhead of my family tree on B-day---which is wierd cause I was really freaked out about the kids knowing it in summer school....oh well). I told them it was unacceptable and made them go back to where we were standing and get quiet and walk again. Everytime, as soon as I looked away from any part of the line, that part started saying my name, "SHHHHHH", or "we're not going to get any marbles" (in a mocking way....not a serious way). I made them go back and repeat it and told them I would make them stay after the bell for every minute they wasted in the hallway. Finally we made it to the classroom (not completely quiet, but the bell was about to ring and it was close enough) and I made them sit. The bell rang almost immediately and I told them I wouldn't start the minute until everyone was quiet. Everyone was never really completely quiet, but I must have held them 3 minutes after the bell. I dismissed one side of the room first and one girl from the other side walked out. I couldn't find anyone to punish individually, because it was such a group thing....I should have picked a sacrificial lamb. I'm not even sure I know the girl's name who walked out (that's my largest class and today was only the 4th time I've seen them--and the one with 1 major discipline problem that takes up all my time). I'm thinking of making a blanket rule that talking coming back from lunch=morning detention, but I'm worried about enforcing it when I'm walking down the hallway. I guess I could take names and give the consequence when they get back to class, but there is no reason for them to hurry back other than that because there's only 10-15 minutes left in the period. Strangely enough, up until that point that class was angelic.

Fourth period was OK. The groupwork got kind of loud and people were milling around too much. I dealt with it pretty well, but I did have to give one girl detention right at the end because she had been shouting across the room and singing the whole period. I should have cracked down on that sooner.

I have a few simple ideas how to improve for B-day, but not a lot. The activity kind of requires a certain amount of casual-ness (sitting on the floor, getting up and getting supplies, talking to groupmates) and maybe wasn't a great start of the year activity, but they're making world maps, which are fun, educational, and look great in the classroom. On the plus side, the activity takes up the ENTIRE period (a couple of groups didn't finish) and I heard one student say that the period went by really fast, which I take as an indication that they enjoyed it and were busy.

Personally, I'm doing better. Not great, but better. Unfortunately that has to do with lowering my own standards of myself, but I think that may be a healthy thing. Every now and then when I look around the building at 5pm and everyone else is gone, now I think "I should go home" and "I can do this tomorrow". It means I'm not as prepared as I'd like to be, but it also means I'm sane, and I'm more prepared than the teachers that were out the door at 3:45 (brand new teachers!). My administration is great! We've had class lists since the Friday before school started and we distribute textbooks this week (I've had a class set since Friday). Our schedules should be set by the end of the week and they've been really considerate and they come by and check up on me every couple of days. I actually asked my vice-principal about the lunch thing today to try and get some advice and he was pretty cool about it. I haven't baked any cookies because sleep has been more important right now, but I make a point to speak to the custodian/secretaries/librarians every day. My overhead light blew on Friday and the librarian went out of her way to try and order me some bulbs and lent me the library projector in the meantime. I think what made it the hardest last week was that everyone was so supportive, I felt like everything that went wrong was my fault (and it was). But I'm just going to have to make mistakes...that's what new teachers do...and I'm just going to keep caring about the kids and doing the best I know how. I may not reach 100% of them 100% of the time (although I'm sure as heck going to try), but I'm doing my best and when I know how to do it better, I will.

Confessions

2006-08-13T14:50:00.000-05:00

I didn't post anything on here until today because I have a confession to make...walking out of the school on Friday all I could do was try to come up with scenarios where I don't have to go back on Monday. I've resigned myself to the fact that I'm stuck. I'm not going to leave the school after only one week...although thoughts of leaving at the end of the year may get me through the school year. 4/6 classes are great. 2/6 make me want to go home and shoot myself in the foot, just so I won't ever have to see them again. This may not be what I'm supposed to say, but I'm being honest. They're also back to back and just after my planning period, so I spent my entire planning period dreading the rest of the day. It's so easy to say that you shouldn't care what they think about you, but when students are all you see for the majority of the daylight hours and all you do is work for them, having them glare at you, openly mock you in the hall, etc. is pretty depressing. If I look at it objectively, there are about 5-10 kids that are problems and everyone else is O.K. I think the part that gets me is that I don't feel like I've been handling those kids well. It's my fault they're acting this way. There's something I'm not doing with those classes that I am doing with every other class. I have a few ideas to try out this week. I hope they work, because last week sucked. Dex actually told me today that he loves the weekends because it's the first time he's seen me happy all week.

I feel O.K. today, but tomorrow I will wake up with a sense of dread in my stomach and if last week is any indication, it will just get worse day by day. On the plus side, I think I reached a few kids and my B-day classes seem to love me. Nothing major happened and I only had to talk to the vice-principal about one kid (and that's because he wasn't in my class when I knew he should be), so nothing major has happened in my room. I'm going to spend this afternoon trying to organize for the week and start planning next week (lesson plans due on thursday).

One day down.....

2006-08-07T19:52:00.000-05:00

Sheer panic. That pretty much encompasses my whole day. Inevitably I'm overreacting, but it sure as hell wasn't easy, and I have a feeling it's just going to get harder. First block---longest 90 minutes of my life...good time management, bad class participation/interaction. Most of the students looked like they hold me personally responsible for ruining their summer vacation and would like nothing better than for me to drop dead right there. Can't say that I blame them. Reading the district handbook outloud is not fun. Rules and proceedures is not fun. My review of how to make a timeline was either WAY below them or they were pretending to be cool. 2nd block is my planning period. I thought about the food I wished I had. I thought about the cash I wished I had. I thought about the cigarette I wished I had. (My morning basically consisted of, "Oh SH**!! IT'S 7AM!!!!" It's a wierd thing I have about not being to wake up on mornings when I know it's going to be hard--same thing happened the first day of MTC) I tried not to think about the terror of upcoming third period. Third period was full of the same stares, but possibly a little better. I was wrapping up beautifully around 12:50 when they're supposed to come get us for lunch. No one came, so I decided to go ahead and give them the homework assignment so they could get started. The homework assignment came and went. It was 1:20. i peered out into the hall and saw people from WAY down the hall starting to go to lunch...hmmmm...kill some time. Went to my bookshelf and picked up a book. They like to be read to, right? Chose the children's book I have about the civil rights movement (actually more of a middle school book). I figured at least it was history related. BSed and introduction and began reading on page 1. Hmmmm....forgot this book was so depressing and really touching. Tried to make a point about why we need to know this stuff and that it wasn't that long ago. Talked a lot for the sake of listening to myself talk. At one point I looked over and saw a boy in the front row with a tear running down his cheek. Suddenly realized everyone in the room was stock still and hanging on my every word. Either they'll hate me cause I depressed them on the first day of school and made them cry or they'll think I inspired them (or it was all completely innappropriate and I'll be hearing about how I shouldn't be discussing these things)... Went to lunch...forgot my table number, had to borrow money from a co-teacher, got halfway through my food when the VP told me they were going to ring the bell for fourth period. Ran upstairs just as the bell rang. First half of fourth period 6 kids came in late from lunch and others came in to get their bags from my room. Beginning of fourth period was angelic and perfect, 6 new kids had missed my speil on rules and instantly changed the tenor of the classroom before I could go back over them. I gave a lot of hollow warnings today and no second consequences. I have lesson plans due thursday for next week and I don't even know what I'm doing this week. Tomorrow I have entirely different students because it's "B" day. Good news is: no lunch class.

The calm before the storm

2006-08-05T22:05:00.000-05:00

In about 36 hours I will be standing in front of my first class of students. I'm SOOOOOOO not ready. My room is finally ready (or at least as ready as it's going to be), but I don't have a lesson plan for day 1, let alone the rest of the week. The days don't seem to have enough hours in them and I mostly get home and want to watch mindless TV (Simple life anyone?) so that I don't have to think anymore. I hope this is the most frightening part of this.....

I think I know what I plan to do. The first day we're required to read 30 pages of the district handbook to each class, so I think that will take up a major chunk of time. I also need to go over my class rules/consequences/etc. I have an info sheet for them to fill up when they come in....I really think that's going to take the whole 90 min. I have visions of a great first day lesson complete with the "first day homework", but I don't think I'll get anywhere near it. I'll have it ready, but I don't think it will happen until day 2 (which is actually day 1 with "B" day, so I guess they'll think I'm strict).

I'm finding myself questioning a LOT of what I planned to do. I had a wierd moment where I almost didn't print up my rules/consequences to send home and get signed. I feel a little sense of shame for being so "by the book". My administrators and coteachers are great, but I can tell they all see me as young and naive. My mentor told me that she was talking to the assistant principal (the one who will be observing me teach this year) and mentioned that she was going to help me write all my kids names on my desks (her suggestion) and he said, "Isn't that a little 'Harry Wong'?" Hmmmm...that made me question myself. My mentor did stick up for me though and actually said, (direct quote) "Well, we don't have penises." Meaning that we have to control the classroom because we're not big black ex-coaches who can intimidate a child by looking at them. Anyway, I'm trying to shake the wierd nervous being-judged feeling. My mentor is really supportive, but did kinda make a funny face when she saw my marble jars....

First Days of School

2006-08-04T18:41:00.000-05:00

So....the kids will be there on Monday. I feel SO not yet ready. I'm going up to the school tomorrow to try and write some lesson plans. I don't have to turn them in, but I also don't want to be standing up there without a plan on the first day. I have a vague plan in my head, but I need it on paper in Monroe format.

The district adopted this wierd Madeline Hunter Lesson Plan thing (I blogged about it before). Her theories seem cool and make sense....the little boxes on the paper that I have to fit my ideas into don't. I think basically I'll be writing my lesson plans the way I always have and then writing them into the boxes somewhat haphazardly. Maybe one day I'll figure out how to think in those boxes, but it won't be tomorrow.

I found these awesome posters in my room. They're black and white apple advertisements that have pictures of historical figures and say "Think Different". I've got Gandi, Amelia Earhart, Lennon and Yoko Ono, Einstein, and one other one I can't remember right now. I got online to see if maybe I could request some free ones from apple, since I'm a teacher and all and they're just publicity photos....instead I found this: http://http://redlightrunner.stores.yahoo.net/rarthinpos.html. Apparently, these things are discontinued and ONE poster is worth about $300. Everyone I've mentioned this to has basically said, "Get them off of your walls." But I just don't really care. They're laminated and kinda dirty and wrinkly and probably not worth that much. Honestly, I think my kids knowing who Gandi is is worth $300....of course, I won't be purchasing anymore, though. I also don't think anyone else knows what they're worth, so they're not going anywhere....

My coworkers at school are great. My department is great. Nothing really to complain about, except being overwhelmed. Apparently my school is definitely #2 in the district and possibly moving up to #1 (A certain high school that used to be the level 5 had FOURTEEN failures on their history test, we had 3). I feel a strange sense of pride in that, even though I wasn't even there yet when they took the test.

Teaching vs. Following instructions??

2006-07-28T22:10:00.000-05:00

So, I finally have internet at my house and can post whenever I want (yea!). I've been attending induction seminars all week. Mostly it consisted of information stretched out over such a ridiculous amount of time that you wanted to stab yourself with your pen just so it would be over. Imagine something you could explain in 2 hours....then imagine it was stretched over 2 days and 260 people, with a 15 minute break every hour and a half. Some of it was useful, and most of it was well intentioned, but my nerves were wearing thin today.

And then came the first session that interested me all week: Curriculum and Pacing Guides. "Yea!" I thought, "They're actually going to tell me how to get started! I can do some useful work!" This is where you should insert the snide, jaded laughter of someone who knows better. I made the niave assumption that because they broke us up into our subject areas/grade levels for the first time, we'd be recieving information specific to our subjects....how stupid of me. They had a one page example from the English curriculum. And boy, was it depressing! It quite simply gives you the story you will read with your students, the dates you will read it, and all accompanying materials you will use to teach the story. If you finish the story before the date indicated, that's too bad, cause you're going to have to suck it up and teach the story until time runs out...then, and only then, can you move on to the next topic. It is REQUIRED that we follow these pacing guides (according to the people downtown who wrote them, my only hope is that this "requirement" isn't strictly followed on a building level). So why am I there? Why do I even need a college degree? I don't get to find interesting resources or activities to teach the material (I actually got in trouble for using the word "activities" today..."We don't teach activities, we teach information"....), I get to be a district robot and follow weekly instructions. We found out earlier in the week that we don't get to write our own tests (the district requires that we use their nine-weeks test and "recommends" that we use their unit tests) and that we are required to have "interactive word walls" that we use throughout the year to teach vocabulary. Alone, these things aren't that intimidating, but combined, I'm looking at walking into my classroom for the first time next week and I've already been told what to hang on my walls, what assessments I will give, and what lessons I will teach each week.

In addition, the lesson plan format they use is thoroughly confusing to me (and in my opinion, stupid, but I'm by no means an expert on the subject of lesson plans, so I'm trying to reserve that opinion until I've taught at least a few weeks :). There is no where on the lesson plan to include what they call "input", meaning the lesson plan basically looks like this: Set, Modeling, Guided Practice, Independent practice. The trainers in that session humored me (barely) when I first asked about where the actual instruction (i.e. lecture, reading, activity (big mistake in jargon with that word)) takes place, but when I was still confused later and the people at my table suggested I ask again....well, that was when I got in trouble for using the word "activity". This jargon B.S. is driving me crazy. Also, I'd like to enter into record that I did not ask a single question all week, so I didn't drive the older teachers crazy, but today just really got to me.

I've lost most of the joy and excitement I had about the school year. I feel like my classroom is being micromanaged and my opinions aren't respected. I know they have to hold teachers to some kind of standard, but are the adults in the classroom really that stupid that you have to schedule their days for them?? If so, why are they in front of a classroom?

I'm hoping once I get to the school next week things will look up. All my building personel have been really awesome so far. But today was definitely a bad, bad day.

Thoughts of "home"

2006-07-19T09:22:00.000-05:00

Things I miss desperately:

Sunshine, the Pacific Ocean, chores that take all day, sitting around having a beer under palm trees at the end of a hard day's work (or at the end of a day of no work), and food that didn't come out of a window.

Last minute panic

2006-07-18T18:23:00.000-05:00

I'm starting to get really worried about the upcoming school year. We keep having sessions on all the things we should do in our classrooms before school starts, but I haven't even seen mine yet! The school has my classroom ready....I just haven't had time to go down there. I'm going on Thursday, so maybe that will help a little. I can't do anything in there next week because I'll be at New Teacher Induction at JPS. I have 1 week before school to set everything up, and I think we have meetings at our school that week. I need to make posters and my timeline for my classroom. I need to start writing the first couple of weeks of lesson plans. I need to make forms for student of the week, detention, positive letters home to parents, etc. I need to finish filling out my JPS paperwork!! On top of all that, I need to get a new driver's license (or "driver license" as they call it here), bank account, unpack all my boxes of stuff, and figure out how to get around Jackson!! I'm sure it will be fine once I get down there, but I'm NOT down there! I'm stuck up here!

At least we don't have that much classwork this week. I'm hoping I can start doing some of this stuff up here, but I'm very disorganized because most of what I own is in boxes in Jackson. I'm hoping this weekend will be a magical whirl of organization. I'm also hoping that New Teacher Induction will leave me time at night to at least work on lesson plans, so that once I'm in my classroom I can just clean and organize. In case you haven't noticed I'm a little compulsive with the organization, and my life just isn't organized right now. My plastic page protectors are in Jackson :)

TEAM Video

2006-07-17T11:25:00.000-05:00

I don't have a lot to say about my team video. Mostly it looked pretty good. I was pacing around the classroom a lot, but I think that was because I was nervous and also because it was Friday afternoon and two of my "students" were trying to sleep. I spent a lot of time running from the back of the classroom to the overhead to change tranparencies. I think it was just a wierd day for me...I don't think I pace every day. Otherwise, the video looked pretty good. We did a lot of fun activities relating to art and music during the industrial revolution. I need to get better recordings of the music, but I knew that. The artwork I put on the overhead was really hard to see. I may just have to buy a poster or something to use for that lesson. I didn't notice a lot of fidgeting like I had on my first video. Overall, I think it was a pretty good lesson.

Videotape

2006-06-25T19:00:00.000-05:00

When I watched my videotape, the first thing that struck me was that the classroom was fairly well under control. When I'm up there teaching and the smallest thing goes wrong, I feel like the whole room is disintegrating into chaos, but in the video...everything was really ok.

I was busy messing with the camera and writing the "do now" on the board, so I didn't see 2-3 kids run into the classroom. It wasn't an issue, but it could have been. I need to spend more time in the hall during breaks (the kids are usually back in the room before I even finish putting the do now up).

The most striking things were how I move and talk. Now I see the Ann Monroe resemblence. I sound a lot more southern though and say things like "might could"....I can't believe I talk like that! I also have wierd nervous habits like swinging my hair around and playing with the dry erase marker caps. I've been trying to quit that since I saw the video.

Overall, the video was a lot less painful than I expected and actually made me feel a little bit better!

Paper Folds/Group Work

2006-06-25T18:42:00.000-05:00

I actually used the paper folds and groupwork this week. I was a little worried about the groupwork part, because basically I was only putting them into groups to share supplies. I imagined complete chaos would ensue, but it actually worked out pretty well.

During first period when I taught, I ran out of proceedures with about 10-15 min left in the period, so I reviewed for a while and then spent some time discussing the afternoon activity. I explained to the students that I had brought my own art supplies from home and that they weren't just crayons and markers, because I know they're old enough to handle nicer supplies (really, I just didn't want to drive to walmart and buy anything else...but they didn't need to know that). We went over group proceedures and I warned them that in order to do something fun during 4th period, I needed to see that they were well behaved. Otherwise, I'd just give them a worksheet.

They were like little angels all day :) The first few minutes of my lesson, after the set, we played charades. It was so much fun!! We had learned some adjectives in French the day before, so I put some different adjectives on slips of paper and kids volunteered to act them out. When the class knew the answer they had to raise their hand and then tell me "He is ______." in French when I called on them. It was a lot of fun, and the best part was that the class clowns really got to shine (without getting in trouble). One quiet guy from the front of the class, "Mr. T" volunteered to act something out. He's really quiet, looks about 18 years old, has gold teeth, baggy pants, etc. Basically, he looks like a thug. He happened to draw "young" as his adjective. He mimed playing basketball, but the class wasn't getting it. I asked him if he wanted to choose a partner from the class. He chose X, the other "thug" in the class (the only kid in our class who's had an office referral, but is really sweet underneath it all) and they had a little conference, and then both of them got down on their knees in front of my class and played patty-cake! It was the cutest thing I've ever seen! I wish I had had my camera out!! There were some other cute ones, and for the last one I let all three volunteers act it out together and they actually coreographed a scene.

Anyway, back to the topic at hand, after this, we went over groupwork proceedures and I reminded them that they are supposed to "respect their teacher" which includes not breaking my art supplies and we talked about how to ask someone politely for one of the supplies. We folded our paper and I told them to glue it when they got into groups. I went over the assignment and showed them my "self portrait". Then I assigned them groups. I had moved 2 boys earlier "to make it easier to get into groups", and managed to keep trouble away from 4/5 groups. The fifth group wasn't even that bad... I also assigned a group leader for each group, who was the only group member allowed to raise her hand if they needed something. I was trying to promote cooperation (when we did groups before, they wouldn't ask their partners for help!) and I think it worked fairly well, except X didn't get along with his group leader. At least it was a growing experience (I hope).

Basically, they loved the opportunity to be artistic and do something different. It gave different kids a chance to excel (the girl who has trouble reading was the best at using the scrapbooking scissors and helped everyone in her group with them), and I hope it taught them a little bit about cooperation. The classroom didn't burn down (which is what I expect every time I do groupwork) and the worst that happened was someone banging a bag of pencils onto someone elses desk (at which point I threatened to take the pencils away, and they straightened up). Overall it was a success, less stressful than I imagined and fun for the kids!

Community Integration

2006-06-19T20:11:00.000-05:00

I've been thinking about the lack of discussion about MTC teachers integrating into their local communities, and how I think that affects our success as teachers. I think what we haven't really acknowledged is that many of us (including administrators, 1st, and 2nd years) have a somewhat hidden motive for being a part of this program.

Usually, we discuss the program as if our entire purpose for being here is to teach in Mississippi for 2 years and change the lives of x amount of children who come through our classroom; but, I think there is a strong unvoiced belief that we are/should be doing more than that. I feel like we all came down here to help make education in Mississippi better, and I feel like we all have broader goals than just what happens in our classrooms, whether we discuss them or not. You can see it with the after-school activities that people start which they obviously hope will continue after they leave and make the school a better place. You can see it with all the discussions of race-relations in Mississippi and education and different efforts people have made to address that in their schools. In community development work you call this "sustainable development". It basically means that you are affecting change for the better that will last even after you are gone.

I assume the reason we don't discuss this is because it would send the wrong message to the schools we go into. It gives the connotation that we are here to change the school or overthrow the administration. I imagine it would cause schools to think twice about inviting MTC teachers into their schools. And I don't believe that it is necessarily something we are qualified to do, on any kind of formal level, for reasons I'll discuss below; but I do think that this lack of acknowledgement is leading to MTC teachers dealing with some sustainable development issues in the wrong way.

The larger problem is that we come in as outsiders and start trying to do new/better/different things. I had a lot of training on integrating into a foreign culture when I was in the Peace Corps and the basic idea behind all of it is to listen, watch, and wait. Don't try to change a system until you understand how it works (and you'll never fully understand how it works). Until you can honestly say you see things from the "local" viewpoint, you'll never affect any change, and they won't want you to. I know it's an extreme example, but when I arrived in my small town in the Philippines, I thought a lot of things needed to be changed/fixed. After 3-6 months, I started to realize that what I thought was broken when I first arrived, wasn't even really an issue, and other problems were much more pressing. In actuality, what they teach you in community development is that you should NEVER decide what or how to change a community, you should only facilitate community members themselves making that decision and affecting change.

The finer point on this problem is what I see as MTC elitism. Maybe my first impressions are wrong, but it seems that MTC teachers spend more time hanging out with each other, than hanging out with teachers from their school. We talk a lot about being nice to the secretaries, etc., but the truth of the matter is, if all you do is bring them cookies and say hi in the hall, you're still the outsider. You may be the nice outsider, but you're an outsider. You have to actually develop friendships, and you have to want to develop these friendships, beyond being at the football games and school functions. I haven't heard a single second year or MTC alum mention a teacher/coworker/administrator with whom they had a personal friendship or for whom they had professional respect. I feel like the tone of conversations related to the staff/teachers/administrators of the schools is condescending, as if we are all better than them. We're not. We're just different, and different isn't necessarily better.

I hope this doesn't come across as bitter or critical...it's just something I've been thinking about as I relate this experience to my previous ones. And trust me, I do understand the importance of hanging out with MTC people because we share the same experiences and I do understand the importance of venting about coworkers...I just wanted to highlight that this kind of attitude may really hamper a lot of us in our efforts to start new programs/clubs/whatever and ultimately, even in our classrooms.

Fading Confidence

2006-06-18T16:12:00.000-05:00

I feel like each day that I stand up in front of the class, I do a worse job than the day before. I'm sure that's a pretty warped perception, because my first day probably wasn't all that great, but the more I think about trying to fix the mistakes I made the day before, the more likely I am to make different mistakes.

On the plus side, I finally seem to have learned to close the door when the bell rings and turn of the lights when I use the overhead. Those seem so silly and obvious, but it took me 3-4 lessons to remember them. I still have trouble with using the overhead though. It seems like everytime I use it the kids can't see it. Either it's down too low, or whatever I've put on it is too small. The down too low thing I can fix if I realize it while I'm up there (which sometimes I don't) and it also creates a discipline problem when kids will yell out that it's down too low and then I have to give them a warning for talking out of turn, when really they're trying to help me out. The too small thing is just not something I understand. When I look at the overhead, it looks fine on the screen, even from the back of the room, but the kids can't see it and my second years have commented on it being too small.... It's not that big of a deal, I can write bigger on the transparency and life will be fine...but why is my judgement so far off? Why can't I see what they see?

It's wierd, silly stuff like that that drains my confidence. Also, having 4 other adults in the room isn't very comforting either. If I mispronounce a word in a French lesson, I have 3 other people in the room who know it. If I make an English mistake, I have 4 other people who know it. If I make a teaching mistake, I have 4 other people in my room plus anyone who happens to be observing. I can fool the kids into thinking I'm omnipotent, but I know I have to look the adults in the eye after class and discuss every mistake I've made.

I'm sure I'm fine. I'm sure I'm being too hard on myself, but I feel really overwhelmed and not very sucessful at this. My videotaped lesson has been sitting at home since Friday, because I'm afraid to watch it.

My consolation through all of this is that it may pass. I remember when I arrived in the Philippines and wanted nothing more than to get back on that plane and come home, but I stuck it out, and I loved it. I'm hoping that these are just growing pains, that one day I will wake up and MTC will be fun and I will feel competent. I'm also hoping that day will be tomorrow :)

Cold Calling

2006-06-18T16:01:00.000-05:00

I used the cold-calling technique we discussed in class this week. I wrote each student's name on half an index card and used them to call on kids during class. It worked pretty well. All the students were attentive and well behaved. I'm sure I'll use it again, but there were a few drawbacks that I need to figure out.

First of all, I couldn't figure out where to put the cards. Half the class I carried them around in my hand, but then I'd need to hand out papers or do something with both hands and I'd set them down. My classroom doesn't have a podium, so I'd set them on a table to the side or the overhead cart. Then I'd walk around the room while I talked and find myself having to run back to the front everytime I wanted to ask a question. I felt like it disrupted the flow of my lesson, but maybe I just need more practice.

The second problem I had was the cards sticking together. Maybe it was because I cut them in half and the edges were a little rough, but it took me a couple seconds to grab each one. Then I'd have to stick it back in the stack, which also took time, since I was trying to stick them in the middle. I would mostly continue talking while I tried to get the card back into the stack, but I felt like more of my attention was on the silly index cards than what I was saying. Again, I probably just need more practice to make this work.

I think next time I use it, I'll try something different, like popsicle sticks or laminated cards (maybe they won't stick as much). I'm thinking about doing it kind of backwards tomorrow while I review with the kids for their test by having the review questions in a basket and each student draws one to answer. I figure that way, I don't have to worry about drawing the cards and putting them back.

Focus Paper Response

2006-06-07T21:21:00.000-05:00

I read a few of the focus papers on the website, but finally decided to respond to Evan Couzo's paper on Charter Schools: http://www.olemiss.edu/programs/mtc/docs/Focus%20Papers/2005/Couzo%20P.pdf

My initial reaction to Evan's description of charter schools was that they are the miracle we've all been looking for. They eliminate most of the administrative problems that we've all heard so much griping about and seem to provide more opportunites for curriculum flexibility and teacher freedom. I thought it was really striking that in areas which had a charter school, not only were the charter school's scores higher, but the public schools test scores also went up because they had competition. He also discussed the fact that charter schools give options to kids in the poorest school districts, who are often the ones who get overlooked by innovations in education. All of these points create a wonderful picture of the possibilities of future education, but I think there are some issues which were not addressed.

After my initial excitement settled down, I started thinking about practical realities in Mississippi. Granted, Evan's paper wasn't really focused on the situation here in Mississippi, but for the obvious reasons, my thoughts as I was reading it centered here. This is a state that took 16 years to comply with the bare minimum requirements set forth in Brown vs. Board of Education. How long would it take to adopt an entirely new concept of public education? The biggest hurdle would involve manuevering around the politicians, school board members, and administrators who all have a significant interest in keeping the system the way it is. Administrators and school boards would want to avoid any competition that could threaten their positions. Politicians would have pressure from those same administrators and boards, and also from the electorate, who is generally unforgiving of "radical" ideas. Maybe I'm mistaken in my assessment of the situation, but I don't see charter schools as a solution to education in Mississippi in the near future.

Another broader arguement against the concept of charter schools would be that it focuses too much on competativeness. The major indicators schools have of sucesses or failures are test scores. If school start competing with one another, even more focus would be placed on test scores as an indicator of which is the "better" school, and in-fact, test scores were used in the very studies that proved that charter schools were successful. I know test scores are a complicated issue and that they are one of the few objective indicators of how much students are learning, but I wonder if schools competing is a good idea simply because it would encourage the competitors to produce scores, statistics, and other objective indicators that they are the "best" school. I wonder if in the end, charter schools would push for higher test scores, put pressure on administrators and teachers to improve performance, and end up "teaching to the test" much the same way many school districts do now. I agree that charter schools seem to hold many immediate benefits, but I wonder if the long-term effects have been thoroughly examined.

Exhaustion

2006-06-07T20:52:00.000-05:00

The first few weeks are hard. Early mornings and late afternoons (into evening)...it's hard to teach all morning and then go to class and still have lesson plans and preparations when you get out. I'm just hoping all this work will pay off in September when I'll have a few useful lesson plans and some experience to make it all a little easier. And it's also hard to make the distinction between doing enough preparation to be a good teacher, a great teacher, or an obsessive teacher with no life outside of school.

I think it's probably hard for all of us, because we want to do our best for the students and we're all overachievers.....I just hope I learn where to make the distinction.

On a more positive note, I absolutely LOVE working with the students. They are all such great kids with unique talents and abilities. I really feel like it's such a wonderful opportunity to get to work with them. I guess maybe that's what makes it hard to rest. I want to give them the best I possibly can, because I feel like they deserve it.

Teaching today went better than I anticipated, although I do feel like I was focused more on myself and details like my lesson plan and how to work the overhead projector instead of the students. I feel like maybe I wasn't as receptive to their needs as I should have been...or as flexible with my plans as I should have been. I'm hoping maybe that's a skill that comes with practice.

I'm looking forward to teaching tomorrow because it was wonderful to be up there in front of the class and maybe I'll have the opportunity to do a little bit better this time. But I'm also looking forward to not having to teach again after that until Monday because I'm tired! How do you do it 5 days a week?

Sweet Home....Mississippi

2006-06-01T08:24:00.000-05:00

I've always had a love-hate relationship with the south. I blame the south for most of my shortcomings...but I also have her to thank for most of my sucesses. In the ignorance of youth I swore that I would abandon the south as soon as I turned 18 and never return. But after three years overseas, I realized that this is where my roots are. Despite everything, I'm a southern girl, through and through. So I picked up my life and moved to Mississippi to change the world :)

Everyone who knows me gives me a hard time for moving to Mississippi. On every national test where Mississippi is 49th, Alabama is 48th...Out of all the 50 states I chose one even more "backwards" than Alabama. But it does feel like home. No matter how much I tried to erase my southern upbringing, I still feel my heart racing at the mention of SEC football. I crave chicken and dumplin's and fried okra. I pull out my country CDs when I'm in the car alone. And more or less, I get the people.

Southern women have a culture completely unto themselves. A southern woman will never leave the house without lipstick, knows how to make sweet tea from scratch, and will NEVER confront you directly. Someone mentioned to me yesterday how passive agressive that seems, and it is, but it's more than that. Southern women are raised not to cause problems, to be the ultimate hostess/mother, to never make anyone uncomfortable...it leads to a lot of smiling in front of you and stabbing you in the back when you leave. But I don't think it's intentional...we don't know how to confront someone (it took me 21 years and 4 years of therapy to "deprogram" the fear of making someone else uncomfortable)...so emotions come out in funny ways. But in the end, southern women are just mothers/wives/hostesses who are trying to live up to unreasonable expectations and doing the best they can.

My mother was raised to be the ultimate southern lady. Her father was in the military and when they moved back to his family's farm in 6th grade, school integration had just started. Much like Mississippi, in South Carolina, the whites fled to private schools. By the time my mother reached high school, she was the only white student in the entire school. She was miserable, she was bullied, and she was predjudiced for years because of that experience. Her father insisted that he was not going to pay for private school when there was a perfectly good public school for free. I've always wondered if he did it to make a stand against segregation, or if he was just stubborn. I could see him doing it for both reasons. The farm they lived on had been in his family for generations and seems to be a lot like the Delta. They grew cotton, peaches, and pecans, although by the time I was in middle school, they were living on retirement and didn't really depend on it to make a living. They had a housekeeper Vera, who lived just on the other side of the farm. Her family had worked for them for generations, originally as slaves, and eventually for some paltry sum of money that my grandmother handed out each week after she cleaned up whatever messes we had made. I guess I'm making it sound worse than it is...my grandmother didn't pay her less because she was black, she paid her less because that's what she had paid for years. And I guess Vera didn't come clean the house because she was black, she came because that's what her mother had done before her, and her mother's mother before that.

I do remember around 1995 though when Vera finally got indoor plumbing. They invited us over to see the toilet. It was the first time that I'd ever been to her house and there were kids everywhere. Two of her kids and their kids lived with her. They had a small kitchen and a bedroom that also served as a living room and just off to the side, the bathroom. I think some church group had built it for them and we stood there and ooohed and aaahhhed as they flushed the toilet. I think that may have been my first realization that even though they lived just down the street, their life was so completely different from mine, it could have been another country.

And that's what I worry about here...I know white southern culture....unfortunately, I'm not as familiar with black culture. I went to a suburban public school where we bussed in "the blacks" so we'd have enough to recieve federal funding. Luckily, my elementary school years weren't as isolated, but 7 years in that kind of environment really changed my perspective. I had grown up to believe that everyone was equal and had had a lot of great close friends of all different ethnic groups when I was in elementary school, but I guess it's easier to be ignorant of racial issues when your young. I will never forget visiting a friend at Tufts University in Boston during my freshman year of college and being absolutely shocked that they had black people in their fraternity(Auburn, and I think most southern schools, have seperate black and white fraternities). Later that night I was so ashamed of myself for thinking that and began to hate some of the things the south had done to my mind.

So I guess I'm coming at this from a mixed position. I know I understand the south, but my south may be completely different from what my students know. Also, I tend to be appalled by these things, whereas most southerners, black and white, think that's the way it's always been, it's the way it should be, and think I'm crazy for wanting to change it. All I can hope is that I'll do the best I know how and hopefully grow personally as I try to figure out my place here.