I didn't post anything on here until today because I have a confession to make...walking out of the school on Friday all I could do was try to come up with scenarios where I don't have to go back on Monday. I've resigned myself to the fact that I'm stuck. I'm not going to leave the school after only one week...although thoughts of leaving at the end of the year may get me through the school year. 4/6 classes are great. 2/6 make me want to go home and shoot myself in the foot, just so I won't ever have to see them again. This may not be what I'm supposed to say, but I'm being honest. They're also back to back and just after my planning period, so I spent my entire planning period dreading the rest of the day. It's so easy to say that you shouldn't care what they think about you, but when students are all you see for the majority of the daylight hours and all you do is work for them, having them glare at you, openly mock you in the hall, etc. is pretty depressing. If I look at it objectively, there are about 5-10 kids that are problems and everyone else is O.K. I think the part that gets me is that I don't feel like I've been handling those kids well. It's my fault they're acting this way. There's something I'm not doing with those classes that I am doing with every other class. I have a few ideas to try out this week. I hope they work, because last week sucked. Dex actually told me today that he loves the weekends because it's the first time he's seen me happy all week.
I feel O.K. today, but tomorrow I will wake up with a sense of dread in my stomach and if last week is any indication, it will just get worse day by day. On the plus side, I think I reached a few kids and my B-day classes seem to love me. Nothing major happened and I only had to talk to the vice-principal about one kid (and that's because he wasn't in my class when I knew he should be), so nothing major has happened in my room. I'm going to spend this afternoon trying to organize for the week and start planning next week (lesson plans due on thursday).
4 comments:
If four out of your six classes are going well you are ahead of the curve...
Keep on putting one foot ahead of the other. Things will get better, I promise! And don't be too hard on yourself. For what it's worth.
I felt the same way my first year as a "long-term substitute" and my "first year" teaching. Believe me, I know exactly how you feel. I've felt worse. First, Don't wait until the weekend to be happy. Find something to do that you enjoy at the end of each day. Trust me it makes a world of difference. Second, don't use you planning time to dread what's next. Keep busy. Even if you have nothing to do(like that happens), find something. Third, you have to make it fun for yourself and your students. If you hate what you do when you wake up, you'll hate it all day. Try to at least start the day positive. Even if you can't finish it that way. Start each period like its new. Even if you hate them. Most of all, keep plugging at it. It will get better. Enfore your consequences. Make an example of two or three. The rest will fall in line.
I promise it gets better and anyone who knows me knows that if I said it, its the truth.
This probably isn't any comfort, but I feel exactly the same way, I particularly liked the bit about shooting yourself in the foot.
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