One day down.....

Sheer panic. That pretty much encompasses my whole day. Inevitably I'm overreacting, but it sure as hell wasn't easy, and I have a feeling it's just going to get harder. First block---longest 90 minutes of my life...good time management, bad class participation/interaction. Most of the students looked like they hold me personally responsible for ruining their summer vacation and would like nothing better than for me to drop dead right there. Can't say that I blame them. Reading the district handbook outloud is not fun. Rules and proceedures is not fun. My review of how to make a timeline was either WAY below them or they were pretending to be cool. 2nd block is my planning period. I thought about the food I wished I had. I thought about the cash I wished I had. I thought about the cigarette I wished I had. (My morning basically consisted of, "Oh SH**!! IT'S 7AM!!!!" It's a wierd thing I have about not being to wake up on mornings when I know it's going to be hard--same thing happened the first day of MTC) I tried not to think about the terror of upcoming third period. Third period was full of the same stares, but possibly a little better. I was wrapping up beautifully around 12:50 when they're supposed to come get us for lunch. No one came, so I decided to go ahead and give them the homework assignment so they could get started. The homework assignment came and went. It was 1:20. i peered out into the hall and saw people from WAY down the hall starting to go to lunch...hmmmm...kill some time. Went to my bookshelf and picked up a book. They like to be read to, right? Chose the children's book I have about the civil rights movement (actually more of a middle school book). I figured at least it was history related. BSed and introduction and began reading on page 1. Hmmmm....forgot this book was so depressing and really touching. Tried to make a point about why we need to know this stuff and that it wasn't that long ago. Talked a lot for the sake of listening to myself talk. At one point I looked over and saw a boy in the front row with a tear running down his cheek. Suddenly realized everyone in the room was stock still and hanging on my every word. Either they'll hate me cause I depressed them on the first day of school and made them cry or they'll think I inspired them (or it was all completely innappropriate and I'll be hearing about how I shouldn't be discussing these things)... Went to lunch...forgot my table number, had to borrow money from a co-teacher, got halfway through my food when the VP told me they were going to ring the bell for fourth period. Ran upstairs just as the bell rang. First half of fourth period 6 kids came in late from lunch and others came in to get their bags from my room. Beginning of fourth period was angelic and perfect, 6 new kids had missed my speil on rules and instantly changed the tenor of the classroom before I could go back over them. I gave a lot of hollow warnings today and no second consequences. I have lesson plans due thursday for next week and I don't even know what I'm doing this week. Tomorrow I have entirely different students because it's "B" day. Good news is: no lunch class.