Friday the 13th

I can't sleep right now for various non-school related reasons, and the strangest memories are popping into my head. Last Friday was Friday the 13th. I realized this quickly since the LCD projector I signed up for was MIA, my overhead screen would no longer pull down and stay like it had the day before, and the speakers were busted. As my second block kids were coming into the room, a kid sat down to start the Do Now and asked me the date. "It's the thirteenth. Friday the thirteenth," I responded. A female student immediately turned around and announced, "Don't have sex today. Ooops, sorry Mrs. D., but they shouldn't." I simply told her it was good advice and continued with my day, but as I look back, I'm starting to wonder if I should have her make public service announcements at the beginning of every class.

"Having unprotected sex will get you pregnant and probably keep you from graduating."

"Refusing to do your homework or to study will cause you to fail this class."

Maybe I should just have some cheesy posters of garfield made up that say the same things. Or a cute white kitten doing something adorable. There is an amazing lack of cheesy posters in my room.

Small Blessings

I've been really grumpy the last few weeks. I'm just starting to get really worn down and my pacing guide and textbook both went loopy after WWII. I'm trying to piece things together from other sources and I'm just tired and ready for this marathon year to be over. A few small things have made it bearable, though...so let's focus on the positive (random side note: my kids took a survey today to see which job they would have had in the Middle Ages (why??) and I was an impractical dreamer--I see the silver lining in everything...man, if that were only true Mon-Fri!)

1. Irate parent. She's been at the school non-stop since the week before Spring Break. She's frustrated because her son is failing. She's frustrated because his IEP isn't being followed (which they never are)...She's mostly frustrated because she's starting to realize that he may not graduate with a regular diploma. I've managed to use my southern charms to keep her from turning her anger towards me. Randomly she and the head of the exceptional ed department walked into my classroom last Wednesday and sat down. Her son happens to be in my evil lunch class. They were getting ready to take a test that I knew they would all fail, since most of them had been suspended/in-ISS/in the hallway for more time than they had actually been in the room. I was making a desperate attempt to review before the test. They didn't recognize the two women who walked in. Suddenly, the room was silent. Students were answering questions and paying attention. Suddenly, the ratio of adults to students had dropped and the behavior problems had disappeared. All but one of the students passed the test, and she came for tutoring this afternoon. Everything was back to normal today, but I'm still happy we had that opportunity.

2. The same class went to the career lab today where the teacher is much older and more experienced. They treated her and each other like dirt. She was shocked. Suddenly I can see (or actually believe) that it's not just me. They actually treated me with more respect (although not by much)

3. I only have 6 1/2 more lessons to plan before I start reviewing for the semester exam (ok, I have a lot more lesson plans to WRITE than that, but they're already in my head).

4. The principal asked me to take some kids to the Rotary Club. I think it will be fun. I don't know the details, but I've been struggling to find an extra-curricular and he finally suggested something. At least I don't have to coach anything.

5. I'm a lot calmer at school now. It was a subtle shift, but I no longer feel like a nervous wreck all day long. Even my classes that act ridiculous don't wear me out quite as much.

They sound like small things, but in a world of impossible demands, every little bit helps.

Random Thoughts

I can't even seem to find anything coherent to write about on here. I think of things I should post, but by the time I get to a computer, they're lost behind a million other things in my head, so this will be a collection of random ramblings.

I'm not getting my EEF stuff. I got some of it. I got some of the nicer items, but not the ones I was really dying for. I ordered 2 desk sorters. It seems silly, but they would make my life heavenly at this point. I love to organize things and right now there are papers everywhere on my desk. I ordered the nice 42 dollar desk sorter that the teacher across the hall has. It's not coming. The librarian was vague. She doesn't know what happened to it. On the other hand, she does know what happened to two other items. On one she put the wrong number and on the other she forgot to put a number. So will the problem be corrected? No, it's too late. Apparently, the entire thing could have been avoided had I never ordered an internet cord. No one said ANYTHING about not ordering technology...as a matter of fact, another teacher ordered a numeric keypad for his laptop and a flash drive. Apparently the internet cord messed everything up. It's unclear when exactly this was dealt with, but eventually it was changed and resubmitted (last week I think, when I asked where the heck everything was)....the librarian proudly arrived at my door the next day with a cable she had gotten from district office (because she has a friend down there) just for me. It's a firewire to ethernet cable. It would be really helpful if I owned a Mac. I didn't even know they made cables like that....

I will be teaching U.S. History next year....that could be good or bad. The kids will be juniors and will take the class more seriously because it's state tested...but the stress that comes with state tests is daunting. Also, the two teachers who teach it this year are leaving, and I'm sure they will give me all their resources, but once they leave I'm on my own. Who knows who else will teach it. It should be interesting.

I'm very ready to go home for Easter. I didn't go home over spring break and I miss my family. I would desperately love to be ahead enough that I don't have to do work next weekend, but out of stupidity I came home and sat on the couch for 3 hours after school today just for the novelty of it. Today was the first day in a week I'd gotten home before 8. I wasted it quite well. I just need to keep on truckin for a few more weeks and I'll be set. I just really wish I had more lesson plans done (next week is planned, but nothing after that)...I watched one of the veteran teachers make her copies for the rest of the school year the other day. I want to be at that place. It's like a mirage that never happens. You plan two whole weeks one Saturday to get ahead and 5 days later you only have a week's worth of lesson plans left. I feel like I'm chasing my tail all the time trying to beat the clock and stay ahead of the game and days just keep passing by.

I'm a slacker

I have no lesson plan for Tuesday (or the days that will follow). Spring Break was fairly unproductive except for when I destroyed the car on the way home from Texas. That has led to a lot of used car shopping during time when I would normally lesson plan. My classes were ridiculous this week. My lunch class has zero respect for me. Maybe they never had respect for me and I just never noticed. They really got under my skin this week. I dealt with it poorly. I haven't graded most of the papers from this week and need to do lesson plans, but it will just have to happen tomorrow. I think I've reached a more healthy balance between work and school, but it means that I'm not quite as efficient at school. Whereas I used to spend hours lying awake worrying about what I hadn't done yet, I'm going to sleep tonight instead. Things will get done, the world won't come to an end, and the truth of the matter is...when I lesson plan on Friday afternoons, it usually drags on through all of Saturday and part of Sunday (although it morphs into something else like grading or MTC classwork). Since I've been forced to spend hours on end at car dealerships, I'll just squish what I can into Sunday and pray that the rest of it turns out all right. Part of it is laziness too. I'm really burnt out and sick of my kids' attitudes. 47% of my students failed my class last term. I'm ready for summer. I'm ready for a fresh start next year. I may have to take a mental health day this week (of course, it may be a going to the bank and car dealership day).

I did make a lot of parent calls this week though. Something that has helped tremendously, but taken up most of my after-school time. I guess that's why the lesson planning never got done. I keep telling myself to just make it to Easter, but I know there are going to be 6 more weeks after that. I'm sure they will go by quickly, and things are definitely better than they were in November, but Spring Break was WAY too short.

What you should know about MTC...

I think the biggest thing to understand when coming to MTC is that there's a reason they are giving you so many incentives to join. They are asking you to do one of the hardest jobs in the world, in one of the most difficult places to do it, and to go to school part time during all of this. The first semester will be sleepless, nerve-racking, and incredibly frustrating. The second semester is mildly easier. To be brutally honest, there is a reason many of these school districts have trouble getting and retaining teachers. Nothing about this experience will be easy.
On the other hand, nothing is insurmountable. Many people before you have done it, and many people after you will, and most of us have survived as somewhat rational human beings. Once you get past the first few months, you learn to deal with the stress and how to better manage your time. The kids start to appreciate you (in very minute ways, on very sporadic occasions). You start to feel somewhat competent for at least 20 minutes a day. You have a few good moments. Of course you also have a lot of bad moments, but I've noticed that most of those moments come because we care too much in a situation where it seems like no one else does. And those are the best kinds of "bad moments" to have, at least you're fighting for something.
The biggest thing to remember is that these are teenagers who usually haven't gotten the attention or the love that they need and deserve at home. If you make that kid feel important for 5 seconds, you've had a successful day. The job is extremely rewarding, but in very small, intense moments.
You will eat, sleep, and breathe teaching for at least the first 4 months. Your roomates/spouse will know every child you teach by name, because you will feel the need to vent on a daily basis. You will go out to dinner with friends and swear that you will not discuss school, but every single topic will lead back to what happened in your room today. You will be SO sick of telling kids to tuck in their shirt, spit out their gum, walk in a line to lunch, etc... But somehow, everyday, you will get up and do your best and it will get better day after day. Every day you will think you can't do it, and every day you will...and then one day you will wake up and you won't feel like you're pretending to be a teacher anymore, you'll actually be one.

Baseball

I went to a baseball game a couple of weeks ago. A few of my students are on the team. Two of them from the same class. I figured it might be fun and the kids would enjoy it. I found the field fairly easily and realized there were a total of about 12 spectators. Somehow I had expected grandstands full of fans. I ended up sitting with my student's (the pitcher's) parents in the one covered area as it drizzled cold rain throughout the game. It ended up being one of the most fun things I've done all year. My student could really pitch! and his family was absolutely hysterical. At least 3 aunts were there, his mother, some cousins, and a grandmother. I think there were more people in his family than all the other fans put together. They yelled and screamed and called other relatives every time he struck someone out. As I sat next to his mother, we talked. Apparently my class is his favorite subject (you would NEVER know). Also, his classroom behavior has improved tremendously, since I now know his entire family on a first-name basis. He's still not doing his homework, but I intend to keep going to games and keeping up my contacts.
I also got to see one of my freshman students on the team. He wasn't playing (I found out later it was because he had 5 F's), but the child stood in the dugout and heckled the other team for 3 hours straight. In my room, he's still learning that not every thought that comes into his head should come out of his mouth. During class, he more often has his hands on the ground than his feet and uses the desk as a jungle gym. During one day of groupwork, he sang from the time the bell rang until the end of class. He sang about climate and weather (what we were studying), he sang about his reading teacher's saggy sweaters, I told him to hush and he sang the song "Hush"....sometimes it's intentionally disruptive, but sometimes I really think he can't contain himself. That night, in the dugout, hanging from the rafters, he was in his element. He never got to touch the baseball, but for 3 hours he could yell and hang from the roof and feel like he was a part of something. I still see his feet in the air occasionally in my room, but I gained a lot of respect when I came out to the game. I can't wait for the next one.

Echoes

I'm the most textbook visual learner you could ever have. I love graphic organizers, I'm anal-retentive about organization, I like for everything to be neat, and calm, and quiet. But somewhere along the way I must have picked up some sort of auditory memory. Maybe it's all those years of music lessons.

For the first time in a long time it was quiet in my room after school today. No tutorials, no detention. I closed the door and graded the tests I knew were inevitably failures. I could still hear rhythms in my head. Echoes of things kids said in my classroom today. Like ghosts in the room with me at 3:45 I could still hear the cadence of voices in my head. Stupid comments, occasionally obscene, vulgar, or just inappropriate floated through me head. It's something about the way they talk. Like there's a pattern already laid out, and they just substitute this name or that one. The same words day after day, arranged differently...not really saying much.

It was the first time I've had a moment to even think about them since Christmas. It's amazing how you can be in the same room with children for 8 hours a day and never really think about them. You think about the behavior, the consequences, the rewards, the lesson plan that's due, the copies you need to make, the time, the bell, and a million other trivial tidbits...but it's not until they leave that you really start to think about them. I think that's the hardest part of being a teacher. Having 10 million things to do for tomorrow, and 25 children that need you right now.

First semester, I lived in the moment. I knew everything that had happened, was happening, may happen...I knew exactly what they needed (as best any one person ever could), I adjusted, I discovered, I invented. Since Christmas, I've become much less present. I want to have 2 weeks of lesson plans, I want to have copies made ahead of time, I want to walk out the door of the school and not think about work until the next morning. It's made me a worse teacher (which became blatantly obvious as I watched them fail my test one after the other), but a more stable human being. Is it possible to do this job well and not let it consume every waking hour?

We laugh because E.W. and I went to see Freedom Writers. Apparently you actually can make a difference, but it requires working 3 jobs, alienating your husband to the point of divorce, and only teaching one class a day (why do they only have one class in these movies??). At what point do you start to live a life outside of education, without becoming the "worksheet teacher"? 10 weeks into first semester I was burnt out to point where I seriously considered driving off into the sunset many afternoons. I can't live like that. But even when they're not in the room, their echoes still haunt me and seem to ask, "Why weren't you paying attention? Why didn't you notice?"........It may be that I care too much to actually do this job long-term. I think in the end, it might consume me.

They've lost their minds

It should be easier. I made it to Thanksgiving, I made it to Christmas. I'm on the home stretch. Magically the first semester went fairly well. The second semester is starting out badly.

First, on the administrative end, they've now decided we're having in-school SATP tutoring Mon-Thurs, which means am activity schedule from now until April, where you hold kids who are not on the tutoring list. Ok, I can deal with that. I'm teaching U.S. History tutorials once a week (a subject I've never taught, to kids I don't know). Ok, I can deal with that. Then, last thursday, just before the activity period, they got on the intercom and announced that during the activity period, we would all be doing informative writing with our classes. The students should fill up the sheet (what sheet?), the teachers should use the rubric (what rubric?), at the end of the 25 min we should collect what they have and give it back to them next Thursday since this will take more than one activity period (except for this Thursday is B-day and next Thursday will be an A-day...which means every teacher in the building knew this wasn't going to work except the administrator on the speaker).....I wander up and down the hall. I talk to English teachers, I talk to veteran teachers, I talk to my mentor....eventually we realize that the paper we were handed at the end of the day yesterday by a student worker and simply told to initial for is what we are supposed to have out and copied for the students to use. We run to the copiers upstairs...they're both broken. We run to the copier downstairs and just grab pages as they come out. On the way, I see the principal..."Oh yeah, you were on duty yesterday, so you weren't at the staff meeting."....1/4 of the school is on duty each week...the teacher next door who WASN'T on duty didn't even know what was going on. My kids had JUST finished writing a page essay for me....Now they must write a 5 paragraph essay. That will be counted as a grade in World History (with a rubric from 1-4...how do I enter THAT in the grade book....and why am I punishing my children in history for being poor writers)........I could go on and on about this cluster-f*&k, but the point is: it made no sense then and we haven't heard anything about it since. The same thing will happen this Thursday, only we will have a completely different class and someone will have to figure out what to do about that (they only change every single week---seems someone would figure that out).

Second Problem: My students have lost their minds. It may be the administrative insanity. It may be that report cards just came out. It may be that I'm putting out wierd vibes and they've decided to simply disobey and hate me. I sent 6 referrals in 2 days. Nine of the 15 kids in my A-3 class friday got something past a warning. I've gotten 1 kid back from alternative school in that class and now a completely new kid (who just got out of prison). They're not the worst of the bunch though...the old kids must be putting on a show. My A-4 continues to be ridiculous and I wrote a kid up in one of my angelic classes on Thursday. The whole class was stunned. I think it was the first referral I've sent in that class. I'm going on a serious telephone rampage this week and I'm not going to stop until every kid in that class knows how to act. I refuse to take children to lunch who DISAPPEAR on the way there and then walk off when I try to talk to them after class or who refuse to sit up in their seat and do work, and when I give them a second chance, tell me to shut up. I know it's not supposed to make me angry. But honestly, they're not showing me any respect and it's unacceptable. I'm also kind of angry and disappointed in them. They know better.

Winding Down

The last couple of weeks have been the slowest weeks of my life. I hate reviewing...it's just a lot of repeating things you've already taught. Maybe I just don't know how to do it well. Exams are super-boring and involve a lot of sitting around or throwing in a movie during the random times we hold classes between exams. I did get to hang out and talk with some of my kids on Friday morning after their exam though. It was nice to find out more about their lives.

This coming week will be the worst. I'd much rather be stressed out and trying to cram a ton of material into these kids heads than waking up in the morning knowing the most productive thing I will do all day is grade exams. I'm sure it sounds silly to be complaining about a 21/2 day week where I don't have to teach, but I have to babysit and that's the worst. It all seems like it's being dragged out. I'm pretty sure that when I was in high school we went home early on exam days. Come to school, take your 2 exams, go home. Of course, they didn't have to feed us lunch....is that why we're stretching out these exams? To give them a free lunch? Or do we need more full school days for federal funding?

Semester Review

When I think back over the semester, the one student who stands out is "Jimmy" (In the blue shirt, with the towel around his neck). The kid is huge...barely fits into his desk. At the beginning of the year, he was a discipline problem, talking constantly throughout my class. I think I called his house. The next day, without saying a word to me, he came in and sat in the one empty seat on the other side of the room and focused the entire period on what he should be doing. He now claims that the reason he moved that day was because he was cold, and the airconditioner doesn't blow as hard on the other side...but I'm still convinced either he or his wonderful aunt knew he needed to move away from the people he was talking to.

I've learned a lot about him since August. He's 18, he has a kid who's 4-5 years old and lives with HIM (not the mother), he's from Atlanta, he was on the football team, and he's probably the smartest kid I teach all day. He can barely write. His handwriting is sloppy, his grammar is poor, and his spelling is so bad, I wonder if he has a learning disability. Homework in my class is notetaking 4/5 nights a week. He has one of the highest grades in his class. He comes in for after school tutoring every now and then. He reads each paragraph out loud to me and then tells me what he's going to write in his notes. He's a very poor reader, but his comprehension of the text is off-the charts compared to my other kids. While I'm still trying to explain to the other kids the level 1 knowledge, he's asking me level 4 and 5 questions or explaining the abstract concepts of the text to his classmates.

He's failing his other classes, which is bad because he's trying to graduate and his wonderful aunt is pushing him toward college. Again I wonder about the learning disability because he has a lot of trouble in math. His aunt seemed ok with getting him tested when another teacher mentioned it in a conference, but I don't think it's happened yet. I would never bring it up as a first-year teacher, and also since he's so close to graduating.

For some unknown reason he loves history, he loves my class, and he's successful at it. I watch him come in every day, the gentle giant, 3 times my size. "Jimmy, tuck your shirt in." "Yes ma'am Mrs. D." Always respectful, always kind and helpful.

It's funny. I sat down to write this blog about my experiences this semester, but instead I've written 4 paragraphs about "Jimmy". I guess that's kind of the point. After the hell that other people call October and November, and the ridiculousness of the first few weeks of school, somehow all I want to do is tell you about the few that are wonderful. It was a shift that took place during Thanksgiving when I realized I missed "my kids". My family knows more about my students than their parents probably do. I have one who calls me "Mama D." now. I guess my skin has gotten thicker, the silly referrals have become just that...silly, and the few I know I can reach are becoming the highlight of my day.

Don't get me wrong. A-4 is hell on earth and if it weren't for 2 for 1 margaritas on Wednesday nights I wouldn't live through the week, but thank God it's B-day tomorrow and I get to see Jimmy.

Classroom Management Changes

My summer classroom management plan included 4 rules:
1. Be prepared.
2. Raise your hand and wait to be recognized before you speak.
3. Stay in your seat.
4. Respect your teacher, your classmates, and yourself.

I really like these rules and I think I'll stick with them. I questioned the hand-raising for a while, but I think I'll keep it.

My consequences are:
1. Warning
2. Copying from glossary
3. Copying and call home
4. Detention and call home
5. Office Referral

I think I'll stick with my consequences too. I need to make my sign in my room a little clearer and I need to make sure kids understand that if they don't turn in the copying when they walk in my room, they're already on #3 and will keep moving down from there. I've quit assigning other letters from the glossary. I used to assign S (the longest) and P (the second longest) and occassionally others, but that just led to confusion and kids felt it wasn't fair, so now everyone copies "S". I hear my kids in the hall say, "I got letter 's' today"...everyone knows what that means and they'll say something like, "That sucks." Letter S has 32 words and definitions.

I think I'll change a couple of my rewards. Over the summer they were:
1. Verbal Praise
2. Positive Call home
3. Positive letter home
4. Student of the week
5. Student of the nine-weeks

Group Reward: Marble Jar

The rewards are wearing me out. I started giving $5 McDonalds gift certificates to my student of the week which is EXTREMELY effective because they all want them and EXTREMELY expensive, since I give 3 a week. Same problem with student of the 9 weeks. I gave them all a book about a girl in Peace Corps that I found on clearance for like $5 each last nine weeks. I'd like to give them something christmas related, but I have 6 classes and a tight budget. I like the idea of books if I can find The Best Christmas Pagent Ever or something for cheap. I'm still trying to figure out how to do this better for next year.

The Marble jar is annoying. If I'm not up at my overhead, I have to get up to put marbles in or take them out. It's a good motivator for the kids though. Also losing an entire day for rewards is bad. Maybe if I keep it, the reward will only be 30min-1 hr.

I think I'll do a ticket system next year. I'm missing small rewards and incentives and I think tickets would serve that purpose.

Classroom Management

I chose my A-4 class to be my class where I would stick to the consequences every time. (Of course, I try to do this all day long, but in A-4 I never let up) Has it made the class any better behaved? No. Has it prevented the class from getting worse? Possibly. I screamed at them Tuesday. I had just finished giving out about 5 copying assignments in a row and people were still talking. I slammed my hand down on the desk and screamed. They laughed, but I think it was nervous giggling. I am AMAZED at how it is almost the end of the second nine weeks and the rules still seem foriegn to them. EVERY DAY they test me. And I think I've been as close to perfectly consistent as is humanly possible. And EVERY DAY it is the same thing. I've resigned myself to the fact that I just have to suffer through it. A lot of circumstances are out of my control. I got the class the fourth week of school. There are 3 new kids in the class (out of 17). The kids are constantly in and out of ISS/Suspension (although 3 of them got permanently expelled--maybe there is a God)...The one time I let them out of their desks we went to the library and I was HUMILIATED by their behavior in there in front of other teachers. Blatant disrespect, ignoring my rules, consequences, comments. I should have packed them up and gone back to the room, but I didn't have a plan B and I didn't want to have to move them through the halls again. After school on the way to my car one of the teachers that had seen me in the library called me over to her car. I was almost too embarrassed to even go over there. She made my day, though, when she told me that I should NEVER have been stuck with all those children in one class, even more so as a first year teacher. She teaches a lot of them throughout the day and has the same problems, just not all in one class. It made me feel better. But I still dread A-4.

My major classroom management problem in A-4 has been this: The only way I can control them is if they are in their desks working and I am standing over them, ready to hand out warnings and consequences. If I even get up and begin to lecture or instruct I will be interrupted repeatedly and I will miss certain minor things that will eventually lead to chaos. The Mississippi Studies textbook has no teacher manual, no worksheets, no supplemental materials of any kind....so I constantly make up worksheets. The problem is, any one worksheet will take them 5-15 minutes to complete, depending on complexity and I teach 100 minute blocks. 100 minutes divided by 15 is about 7...in one day... If I give them anything that might take longer than 5 minutes (yesterday's essay assignment for example), they simply will not do it, regardless of how many points it's worth. We spend 3:10-3:30 staring at each other every other day while we wait for the bell. At least after Christmas it will be geography which has resources.

My tenth grade classes are MUCH better. A-1 could hold class without me there. Honestly, I'm not as strict in that class and they can handle it. Occassionally K.C. will ask a question without raising his hand and immediately say, "Oh, excuse me Mrs. D." That is the class Reggie Barnes observed. That is the class I had my vice principal observe. B-2 is the most fun class I teach. I did get a little too lax on the rules in there and had to tighten up a bit, but somehow they are more mature. They ask probing, insightful questions and when I ask, "Who can raise their hand and tell me __________" 50% of the hands shoot up in the air. Occassionally I give a writing assignment, but it never goes beyond that.

I've had to really crack down in my other classes. I let up on the hand raising too much. B-1 has 4 new students which is throwing off the dynamics. It's also my largest class. B-4 is fourth block, so they're either asleep or talking or packing up their bags to go home 20 minutes before the bell. A-3 is lunch and they are constantly in trouble for something. There's a lot of attitude and disrespect in that room that I'm still trying to deal with. Almost daily, I give K.M. a warning and she says, "It wasn't me" I let it slide, because I wasn't going to argue with her and after she says it she quiets down, but now a couple of other kids in that class are starting to talk back to me after I give them warnings and that's disrespectful.

Overall, I need to be a little stricter, but it's mostly O.K. A-4 has destroyed my confidence, joy, and excitement though. I'm grumpy in all my classes now because of them.

The silver lining

I like my job.

It's a really strange feeling. I can't really explain why I like it right now, although I could b*tch and moan about quite a few things...but for some reason I like it. I make many mistakes daily. I run out of things to do with 5-10 minutes left at least once a week in some class period. I run out of time in other class periods. I'm drowning in ridiculous paperwork and I'm probably only an outstanding teacher one day a week. But the rest of the days I'm adequate. Kids are in their seats, doing work and learning....It may not be interesting or "differentiated", but at least it's work oriented daily.

One of the biggest helps for me has been the random decision during TEAM this summer to do my 5-day on Chapter 7. I'm giving the Chapter 6 test on Friday/Monday and then it's fairly smooth sailing. Of course, my team lessons were designed for 40 minutes and I have 100, but most of the work is done. Chapter 8 will only be a take-home test in the interest of time and the fact that it's a short, fairly unimportant chapter. Chapter 9 was my 6 day lesson plan. Of course, I still have to plan for my other prep, but having one already finished is SOOOOOOOOO wonderful. I guess this is what it feels like to be a second year teacher...

Another ray of light is the arrival of EEF money. I won't see anything I order for many months (if at all, from what I hear), but the opportunity to spend $500 on organizational and creative supplies for my classroom is my favorite thing I've done all year. Maybe I'll get file folders and some pens. Colored pencils? Transparencies? Printer Ink. Whiteboard Markers. Index Cards. Colored Paper. Some kind of In-Out box so that I can find the surface of my desk again. Velcro. I've discovered I use a lot of velcro....

Somehow I've started to see the students as kids, too, which helps. As awful as it sounds, the first few weeks of school the glares they would give me made me sick. I looked at a room full of kids who hated me for 100 minutes 4 times a day. They still hate me some days...but I'm starting to see through it, to understand them more, and also to build up a thicker skin to that kind of stuff. The good parts are getting better and I'm learning how to deal with the bad parts.

I still hate being out of bed before 8 am. It would be hard to find a job that lets me sleep past 8. I think I'm just going to have to get over that.

Learning Styles Blog

My class averages on my learning styles inventories were almost exactly the same for each category (with less than a .04 difference in one class). There were two exceptions to this rule. One was in my class that talks all the time. The students in this class were overall more "People Smart". That could be the reason they are constantly trying to talk. The second exception was in my one freshman class. The students in this class were more "Picture Smart" or visual learners. These two exceptions confirmed my earlier suspicions. The "People Smart" class is better at groupwork and constantly tries to help each other, even when it should be independent work. The "Picture Smart" class is horrible at reading or writing, but loves to look at pictures or do any kind of assignment involving colored pencils. It's amazing how they walk into my room out of control, but after 5 minutes with colored pencils in their hands, they're like angels (I think that has something to do with other issues too, but I won't go into that here).

The most notable result on my inventories was that the students with the lowest grades in my class are each in only one or two learning styles categories, whereas the students who do well in my class are equally distributed between the categories. The students who do poorly are not any one particular learning style as a group, but each individual has certain learning styles where they fit. This confirmed my earlier suspicions that the high achievers will do well in my class whether I lecture every day, or not. It's the ones who have low grades that will suffer if I don't vary my teaching techniques.

Since I gave the tests and calculated the results, I've tried a couple of different things. First, we did a very interactive groupwork activity where students had to act like newscasters and give the "breaking news" of England in the 1700s. As expected, my "people smart" class loved it, as did a couple of other classes, but 2 classes really struggled because of certain individuals who refused to work with their groups. I've also tried to hit more than one learning style in each lesson I teach. I always hit visual and auditory, but I'm trying to involve more kinesthetic and peer-interaction activities. Of course, these bring up classroom management issues in certain classes, so I'm still struggling with that. My lesson plans for next week include passing around some pictures for kids to see and touch and various activities where kids actually get to move and do things. I know that different activities will reach different kids, so my major focus right now is varying things enough that each student can learn. If I figure out how to do that, I'll be the next Harry Wong. :)

Homework

This is in response to some concerns about homework...My kids have homework almost every night. 90% of them do it 90% of the time. I stole this method from my "mentor teacher" at school. Each night students have to take cornell notes on the next section or outline the next section (and define all the vocab words). The next day, after the do-now they have an open-note quiz on whatever the homework was. All quizzes are 5 questions and fairly simple. I throw the quiz on the overhead (with a printout for my kid that can't see the board), tell them how to head their paper, say it is open note, but not open book...all books need to be under the desk (and I wait until every single book is out of sight, even the closed ones, even if the student is not taking the quiz), then I uncover the quiz. If a student was absent the day before, they head their paper, write "I was absent", and turn it in with the rest of the quizzes. This method is great for you because:
1. 5 random questions to grade each day, instead of all the homework
2. gives you an extra 5-10 minutes at the beginning of the period (takes up that time while you're waiting on morning announcements)
3. Breaks up block-schedule a little bit more (do now + quiz= approx. 15-20 min)
4. Kids who don't do their homework are forced to sit and stare at you for 10 minutes and see a zero each day to remind them that they didn't do it.
5. Teaches them good note-taking skills/organization, because they have to find the answers in their binders in the time you give them...I don't accept late quizzes when I take them up.
6. No make-up work. If a kid is absent, they are still responsible for the material, but they'll just have one less quiz grade (or double the next one)

The only homework I take up are review sheets, which I grade for completion, and I check those because it usually directly correlates to the kid's grade on the test and I want documentation.

Honestly

I think I've had an upset stomach since April. Some of it is personal stuff (marriage, moving back to America), some of it is academic (I stress about MTC stuff), and most of it is professional. I'm constantly on-edge. I find myself constantly wondering what would make it better. I really thought teaching would be a perfect fit for me...then why am I so unhappy all the time? Would it be better if I taught in a private school? My hometown? Overseas? Or should I just pack it up, chalk it up to life experience, and get a desk job where I work 9-5 and eat lunch with adults?

I'm lucky that people keep telling me what a great job I'm doing....it's nice to hear, but if I'm doing such a good job, why do I feel so bad all the time? I'm taking next Wednesday off. I've written my lesson plans so that I can. Officially, I have to take my husband to get his driver's license. Unofficially, I need a break before I snap.

I'm questioning my rules. I'm still enforcing them, but I'm wondering if they are really the rules I want. As I become more comfortable in the classroom (like maybe next year), can the hand raising go? Or will that lead to chaos? I gave my kids random group work on Friday that actually went really well. I let them choose their own groups, and it worked out better than when I assign groups (it was their own choice, so they had to work well together). I'm not sure that they learned the content as well as they would have from lecture, but they learned some public speaking skills, writing, picking out main points, and cooperation (They had to write a news story about "breaking events" in Europe in the 1700s--I stole the idea from my teacher's manual). I'm learning that when I let go of control slightly, they do a better job. Not that they can be out of control or not follow the rules, but I can give them a somewhat less-structured assignment and it works out ok. Maybe it's a disaster in the works...maybe it should wait until after Christmas...but there is a level of mutual respect there and as long as there are some boundaries, it doesn't have to be constantly scripted.

My new class was better on Friday. I gave a detention within 5 minutes of the bell and that seemed to scare them. Also, I gave my first student of the week and they seemed really interested in that. I also held them after the bell as an exercise in control. 1 student walked out and will be going to the principal tomorrow morning, but the rest were silent and seated.

I caught a kid cheating on my test Thursday. I wasn't sure until I graded his paper yesterday, but he definitely cheated. Somehow, all of my test "E"s except the original disappeared (it's possible I left them in the copier or something stupid)...I realized this fairly quickly, but it was no problem, because I had 4 other versions. The last class where I gave the test, I know exactly who had the one test "E" because I didn't want him cheating off his neighbor, so I gave him a totally different version. The kid sitting beside my desk had test "D" and then started to recopy his test (why do they do that?) and wrote "E" at the top. I noticed the mistake and told him to fix it. He fixed it, but when I got the test to grade, he had re-written "E". I gave him a zero for cheating. The sad thing is, he didn't even have all the correct answers for E. I have to be more careful about checking their looseleaf for cheat sheets and counting the tests after they turn them in....usually, I have about 15 other things to be doing though. Also, I think for my next test and 9-weeks test, I'll have 20 different versions and only give 4 to each class, so none of the earlier versions overlap with the later classes. Luckily my texbook comes with software that can do that automatically, it's just a lot of printing. (If anyone needs that, you can borrow the CD and install it)

Missing in Action

I have a soft spot for the boys in my class that are always in trouble. I have a couple in each class that I know I've talked about before that are so smart and have learned to behave in my class, but are constantly in trouble in other classes. I found out today that one of them moved back to Tennessee. Apparently, he's going to be a father soon and has been acting crazy recently, and getting himself into big trouble. Another one (the one who got called out of my class 2 weeks ago and I haven't seen him since) is MIA according to the vice principal. I tried to call his house today to check up on him, but can't find his student information form (Maybe he never filled one up??). He was the one who wanted to have class discussions and debates.

I have a few others who have left, all of whom have their own problems and need guidance, but I worry about these two because I know they'll do something stupid and get into real trouble. I just hope and pray that MIA boy shows back up in my class. No one knows where he is.

Advice anyone?

So...my new class is hell on earth. It could be for many reasons:
1. They haven't adjusted to me yet.
2. They had their routine changed in the middle of the year.
3. The extremely high percentage of "troublemakers" in the class (the vice principal knows 10 of the 18 kids by name from high frequency visits to his office)
4. It's the last period of the day and I'm tired
5. The Mississippi studies textbook would be more useful to start a fire than to teach MS studies

On Wednesday, I had a great lesson planned....then left all my stuff at home. Luckily, the period was only 30-40 minutes (60% day) so I pulled out a blank map and had them label the map to prep for the great lesson to come on Monday. Minor snag....I do a book check for a grade...less than half of the students had their textbooks with them...I give them zeros and berate them about being responsible....then realize that they can't do the assignment without a textbook. I decide to give them my second consequence (copying words from the glossary--I have many copies of these) and tell them they can work off their zero by completing the assignment. About half of the no book kids actually do the assignment. One of them apparently walked out of my room and said, "I'm going to get that b*tch" in such a tone that 2 teachers rushed into my room to make sure I was OK. I don't know which one it was.

I saw them again today. I thought they would bring their books in fear of a copying assignment. 3 kids had books. THREE! I allowed them to share books (which was a management disaster) because at some point work has to be done and I wanted to get them ready for the activity we're doing on Wednesday (No pressure, since Reggie Barnes is coming to observe my little hellions). I passed cotton around the class (that I stole from a field in Batesville) and kids were hitting each other with it, so I had to take it away. I gave a 15 minute lecture on behavior expectations and how if we can't act appropriately, we'll just do worksheets all day.

I have no resources to go with the textbook. The maps in the textbook don't have compasses, scales, etc. so when I want to teach kids that stuff, I have to draw it on. We are learning about dirt, and dirt is boring. We can't get through the part on dirt, though, because they are acting like idiots.

I don't think my management is consistent because there is SO much going on, it's out of control. I send 1-2 children to the office a day (out of 18!!) for stupid things that can't be stopped by "warning" or "detention" because these are not immediate consequences, so the behavior continues until we get to "referrall". They have no respect for me or my things (they got their marble jar dumped out because they put marbles in it while I was in the hall). I am constantly angry with them, which is not helping, but I don't know how to fix the problem. One problem is planning--we never work bell to bell, because I can't invent 100 minutes of activities to go with the crappy textbook, unless we do a chapter a day. I spend 8 hours a week making worksheets. Nothing I do or say seems to have any effect on their behavior. Help!

Poverty Blog

I spent the day covertly reading a book on poverty in between meeting with parent who actually live in poverty. Somehow I felt ashamed at my naivite for having to read the book and my arrogance at doing it on parent-teacher conference day. I kept it in my lap....

I was struck by a lot of different things in the book, one of them being that as a highly organized, "thinking map" oriented person, I was providing my students with life skills. Just teaching them how to read the textbook, pick out the important information, and organize it in some way is valuable. Maybe I knew this on a deeper level, but it makes me feel a lot better about time I considered "wasted" in my classroom while we learned how to take notes and fill in organizers.

Another ego-booster was the thought that just by being in the classroom day after day with my knowledge of middle class "hidden rules" I was being a role model and teaching them survival skills for school and work. As Woody Allen said, "85% of life is just showing up".

One part that made me feel less capable was the chapter on the three voices. I think I use the parent voice a lot in my classroom. I'm having a hard time deliniating between the parent voice and control of the classroom. For me, right now, they are one and the same. I can see by my kids' reactions to me that I am antagonizing them and creating conflict sometimes in the way I deal with situations, but sometimes my blood pressure just gets so high I kind of snap. I'm having a hard time remembering that these students have only been in my room for 45 minutes, so all the things I've repeated for the first 3 hours, need to be repeated again with the same patience. My poor fourth block bears the brunt of my frustrations.

The book also made me realize that I'm not doing enough with vocabulary. I know my kids' reading level isn't where it should be, but I never thought that it would be affecting their ability to process certain information because they lack specific terminology. I've moaned and complained about the district-required word-wall, but I think I can do more with it. These kids deserve more from me.

Overall, the book shed light on a lot of things that I understood subconsciously, but haven't really addressed in my classess. I'm hoping that between the book and the learning styles inventories, I can start focusing on what my students really need.

Reasons Why

Reasons why I hate teaching:
1. I never get to wear cute shoes.
2. I question my self-worth at least 6,000 times a day.
3. I've forgotten what it feels like to wake up after the sun.

Reasons why I love teaching:
1. Those magical moments (few and far between, but still worth it)
2. My mentor teacher
3. I'm the expert (at least for 100 minutes 3 times a day)


I had a revelation tonight over margaritas and mexican with my mentor teacher. My school has never had a PSAT prep program. My students are in the 10th grade. PSAT is 10th grade. PSAT opens the door to college scholarships and opportunities outside of Jackson. I may have a purpose here. I may have an extra-curricular program. As much as I suck at so many things, if there's one thing I know how to do, it's take standardized tests. I'm going to talk with my principal in the morning.

Also, I learned some things about how excited people are that I'm at the school. Apparently, very positive things are being said behind my back that I was not aware of. The administration is apparently excited. My department is apparently excited (and concerned that I've been so down lately). These things somehow make a world of difference and make next week seem exciting for the first time this year.

I may actually BE a teacher.